at hand

 

 

 

                writing breeds when played at hand
                                never when choreographed afore-hand

 

 

 

part of >>> writing and being
letting go wormhole: a bit painful this
play wormhole: dance

 

only

 

 

 

                                          so easy
                                          to accrete
                                          to think
                                          to drive
                                          so much
                                          more on
                                          what is
                                          just only

 

 

 

Have wormhole: indignantly
living wormhole: chump

 

waiting

 

 

 

            stop waiting

                           for the time
                           when it all falls
                           together to write
                                                      anything

            haven’t had a creative discovery for ages haven’t been
            seduced into a green-wine find for such a long time
                           like tripping and finding you didn’t fall
                                          and actually you caught yourself
                                                      right – oh! – there

                                                                      anyway

 

 

 

part of >>> writing and being
[writer's] block wormhole: “write, let’s break / outta here!”
creativity wormhole: I will

 

I will

 

 

 

                                     pick up the pen
                                     nothing to write
                                     almost the end of term
                                     arguing with people
                                     in my mind I come
                                     to the end of my
                                     full-time career

                                     I will create still
                                     in teaching but I will write
                                     and I will sit I will infuse
                                     my work through
                                     writing and in sitting

                                     I will dwell in
                                          creating
                                          teaching
                                     and only do that

                                           I will not extrapolate
                                           I will not extemporise
                                           I will not extreme
                                     but I will express
                                           I will exist so
                                           I will not expire

                                                       I will create the centre
                                                 I will open the centre
                                           I will centre the centre
                                     the very same centre of
                                     sitting and writing and teaching
                                     and I shall live there where
                                     I have not been living now
                                     for twenty four years

 

 

 

breakdown & career wormholes: pep talk
creativity wormhole: wriving
living wormhole: the / pyrrhic / play

 

pep talk

 

 

 

            pep talk

            use the markbook
            construct the lessons
                but not solely
                not all the time
                not relentlessly
                not as a speciality
            make lessons up as I walk into the room
                plan lessons and abandon them
                           change
                           your
                           mind
                                     be the teacher
                                              you want to be
                mercurial suggestive seed-planting messy unpredictable unreliable
            be the teacher
                that knows nothing about teaching
            and when anyone tells you you are good
                do not trust them
            create your art through teaching little occasional poems
                scattered here and there across lessons and minds
            be changeable variable multiple
                creatively suggestively peeringly wonderingly

            all that allow me to teach using my natural powers
            not confined in desperation to be recognised
            not confined within a Managed Performance

 

 

 

breakdown & play & dancing wormholes: a bit painful this
career wormhole: for the good of all
poetry wormhole: ‘I wanted to write a poem’
recognition wormhole: brilliance

 

for the good of all

 

 

 

                                at some points in time
                                I made a markbook
                                I conceived levelled-lessons and learning
                                but then I expected there to be an
                                inevitable way to their propagation
                                for the good of all (for the Good of All)
                                but all that actually happened
                                was I used my markbook
                                I taught my lessons
                                and in these ways I worked
                                the good of all
                                moment after moment
                                no glory no flag just
                                the noble tumbleweed

 

 

 

career wormhole: wriving
giving wormhole: brilliance

 

the / pyrrhic / play

 

 

 

                      the
                      pyrrhic
                      play

            to be a Big Player is to play
                      a very complicated game
                                selflessly-
                                selfishly
            to know how the game works
                      know when to relinquish my view
                                to obtain the compromise
            to get what I want (as
                      pursuit of the Greater Good)        the Ends

                                                      … chorus?

                      however

            I want to pursue my own self-
                      lessness I want to sit and gain
                                nothing
            but then I become fatally exposed
                      when I try to put some relief
                                found inside myself
                                ‘out there’ persuasive in the world
            and then it becomes part of the Game
                      which I- do-not-want-to-but-have-obliged-myself
                                to Play

                                … chorus?

            my activity should come out of clear naïve response –
                      a totally un-beguiled emptiness –
                                not my success of finding the point
            not my vindication not my self
                      (because then when I am necessarily ignored
                                I become a living death)

            … chorus: don’t
                      don’t ever Play the Game just breathe
            breathe and step
                      one square at a time
                                while the rest of the Game
                                          plays itself

 

 

 

breathing wormhole: wriving
compromise wormhole: the path / no echo
game wormhole: we play a game
living & naïveté wormholes: inexorable       naïveté
obligation wormhole: p                        o                   i                             n                                                   t                            l                          e                                 s   s                                          n                                                         e                   s                                                                                                  s               all around
pointlessness wormhole: anxiety
society wormhole: holiday
thinking wormhole: anatta
vindication wormhole: poessay V: // writing / as practice while / writing

 

inexorable naïveté

 

 

 

            rather cultivate
                                                      – practise –
tracking the flows and eddies of outer events and inner thoughts
                                – the same things really –
                                          with wide and open naïveté
                                                              with discipline
                                                      strategy       deftness       design
            not succumbing to structure
                                          target       development       ends
                                                      nor to fame
                                                              recognition       acknowledgement
                                but rather with

                                          inexorable       naïveté

 

 

 

living wormhole: evasion
naïveté wormhole: guileless naïveté – / a biographical / manifest -oh!

 

is Koestler important // ?

Koestler: The Indispensable Intellectual by Michael Scammell (2010)

 

 

 

                                is Koestler important because
he models the build-up of whole passion and ideology and
                its congenital misalignment in the world
                                              its genealogy
                                              of adversarity
                                              which always
                                              condensed self
                                and other like water droplets
from the billowing steam centripetalled out
                                              from what was happening in the world
                and then found that they only shadowed a focus
                                they didn’t actually focus?

settled intellectuals stay with their ideologies and
                                              write thick books despite the loss of centre
                                Koestler at least showed the example of recasting himself with
                the billows

 

 

 

Koestler & philosophy wormholes: anxiety

 

travelling

 

 

 

                                                              travelling

                                not centered
                                              too many local things to note
                                              to spin into
                                              gaze away from
                                              spin away from
                                which is fine but do not lose that you are travelling
                both passing and staying

 

 

 

attention wormhole: more importantly
passing wormhole: as I pass
travelling wormhole: train journey