pep talk

 

 

 

            pep talk

            use the markbook
            construct the lessons
                but not solely
                not all the time
                not relentlessly
                not as a speciality
            make lessons up as I walk into the room
                plan lessons and abandon them
                           change
                           your
                           mind
                                     be the teacher
                                              you want to be
                mercurial suggestive seed-planting messy unpredictable unreliable
            be the teacher
                that knows nothing about teaching
            and when anyone tells you you are good
                do not trust them
            create your art through teaching little occasional poems
                scattered here and there across lessons and minds
            be changeable variable multiple
                creatively suggestively peeringly wonderingly

            all that allow me to teach using my natural powers
            not confined in desperation to be recognised
            not confined within a Managed Performance

 

 

 

breakdown & play & dancing wormholes: a bit painful this
career wormhole: for the good of all
poetry wormhole: ‘I wanted to write a poem’
recognition wormhole: brilliance

 

the / pyrrhic / play

 

 

 

                      the
                      pyrrhic
                      play

            to be a Big Player is to play
                      a very complicated game
                                selflessly-
                                selfishly
            to know how the game works
                      know when to relinquish my view
                                to obtain the compromise
            to get what I want (as
                      pursuit of the Greater Good)        the Ends

                                                      … chorus?

                      however

            I want to pursue my own self-
                      lessness I want to sit and gain
                                nothing
            but then I become fatally exposed
                      when I try to put some relief
                                found inside myself
                                ‘out there’ persuasive in the world
            and then it becomes part of the Game
                      which I- do-not-want-to-but-have-obliged-myself
                                to Play

                                … chorus?

            my activity should come out of clear naïve response –
                      a totally un-beguiled emptiness –
                                not my success of finding the point
            not my vindication not my self
                      (because then when I am necessarily ignored
                                I become a living death)

            … chorus: don’t
                      don’t ever Play the Game just breathe
            breathe and step
                      one square at a time
                                while the rest of the Game
                                          plays itself

 

 

 

compromise wormhole: the path / no echo
game wormhole: we play a game
naïveté wormhole: inexorable       naïveté
obligation wormhole: p                        o                   i                             n                                                   t                            l                          e                                 s   s                                          n                                                         e                   s                                                                                                  s               all around
pointlessness wormhole: anxiety
society wormhole: holiday
thinking wormhole: anatta
vindication wormhole: poessay V: // writing / as practice while / writing

 

inexorable naïveté

 

 

 

            rather cultivate
                                                      – practise –
tracking the flows and eddies of outer events and inner thoughts
                                – the same things really –
                                          with wide and open naïveté
                                                              with discipline
                                                      strategy       deftness       design
            not succumbing to structure
                                          target       development       ends
                                                      nor to fame
                                                              recognition       acknowledgement
                                but rather with

                                          inexorable       naïveté

 

 

 

naïveté wormhole: guileless naïveté – / a biographical / manifest -oh!

 

travelling

 

 

 

                                                              travelling

                                not centered
                                              too many local things to note
                                              to spin into
                                              gaze away from
                                              spin away from
                                which is fine but do not lose that you are travelling
                both passing and staying

 

 

 

attention wormhole: more importantly
travelling wormhole: train journey

 

p o i n t l e s s n e s s all around

 

 

 

tendency to be inactive

                born of ‘can’t see the point’
                                              born of ‘can’t see the point’ for me
                                because nothing makes any sense of me
                                                                                 nothing references me
                                              nothing mirrors me because
                                I am unengaged
                                because I tend to see the

                                                              pointlessness

                                              of anything before I see anything else
and so I am mirrored back
                                recognised as nothing because
                I don’t do anything which reinforces that anything is purposeful
                                                              because
                                              I can’t see the point

                                              my saviours: those
                                who oblige me to act
                                                                                 despite the point
                but I still can’t see the point
                                              even when obligingly active
                                even for some should-aim born
                                                              mostly
                                              of a need to get some
instant mirroring some instant recognition
                                                              get some ground under my feet
                                but I still don’t get the point
I still don’t get any point
                                              because my ground is
                                                              still
                                ‘can’t see the point’

                                                                                              p                        o                   
i                             n                                                   t                            l
                          e                                 s   s                                          n
                                                         e                   s
                                                                                                  s               all around

I could dwell in it
                                              it is the stuff that makes poetry
                it is the realisation that releases
                                from so much    s   o   l   i   d   i   f   i   c   a   t   i   o   n
                                         so much  r  e  s  t  r  i  c  t  i  o  n

                                              and yet I could still act for others
                with attention
                                                              bedded in awareness of pointlessness
                                              but moved for the benefit of others
                note ‘the benefit of others’
                                                              spontaneous responsive warm
                not ‘the benefit of others’
                                so that I can be recognised as saviour
                                                                                 and get ground under my feet

 

 

 

obligation wormhole: 99 // 1
others wormhole: wriving
pointlessness wormhole: returning home

 

wriving

 

 

 

                                                              wriving

                           when I try too hard people just get annoyed
                                I only got average grades at school

                           my writing is not to prove me to the world
                                not to be sent through boarding school

                           not in writing not in teaching not in my career
                                that touch the lives of people

                           I do not have to raise a flag in the world to be
                                I create privately sufficient unto themselves

                           sufficient for to see, sufficient for to breathe …

                                          write
                                     write a huge book of poems
                                          unorganised and all over the place
                                                   sufficient just to be

 

 

 

part of >>> writing and being

career wormhole: returning home
others wormhole: preee- / senting // en- / senting

 

thy will be done

 

 

 

                                                   thy will be done

                                                   not in my works
                                                   but in my nature
                                                   that works tumble
                                                   forth like emotion

 

 

 

compassion wormhole: Birmingham / 030413

 

“rest your frontal lobe”

 

 

 

                                              “rest your frontal lobe” *

                                                                      driven to doing
                      in order to make my day meaningful
                                              to do meaningful things
                      to make my life meaningful
                                              to get out of having to do mundane things
                      in order to do meaningful things to make my life meaningful
                                                                      and I am so exhausted
                                              and anxious and ridden with guilt
                                              by the time I have carved out some time
                                              and space for me to be able to do meaningful
                                              things in order to make my life meaningful

                      that I end up playing a video game

                                                                      “your business
                                              is simply to come back
                                                                      to this moment” **

 

* Dainin Katagiri
** Steve Hagen

 

 

awareness wormhole: preoccupied
meaning wormhole: 1976

 

covert being

 

 

 

not heard
when Dad left not heard
when friends talked about stuff not heard
when I wrote my thoughts not heard
when I argued an essay not heard
when I floated a ‘why not’ not heard
when I constructed markbook not heard
when I integrated AfL not heard
whenever I reach

and yet

cared for when Dad left
valued for my constancy
referred to for my phrasing
recognised for my approach
relied on for my accommodation
trusted for the field I fence
respected for the freedom I release
loved whenever I just am

don’t strive to be heard but trust
in covert being

 

 

 

the discovery of / leaving no trace

 

 

 

                                              the discovery of
                                              leaving no trace

                                the harder I try the wronger I get
                                and there is so much that I have tried so hard at
                                that I thought I could define myself through
                                that always end insufficient

                                              and let’s face it
                                I am of no consequence at all
                                              in so many hard-earned ways
                                I am of no consequence at all
                                              quite unnoticeably so
                                I am so completely inconsequential
                                              nothing to notice
                                              nothing to respond to
                                doesn’t matter what I do or say
                                              or think or not

                                that I really ought to give up
                                              trying
                                and let the things happen by themselves
                                              that I would be

 

 

 

compassion wormhole: coffee shop