oh
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
months
and months and
months I used to
spend locked
determined and
caught until
someone sniggered
or I wondered
where everyone else
had gone but now
I can do it all
in one sitting –
much more efficient
breathing br-
inking br-
eathed – oh
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
oh, this is how I am
at the moment
despondent that I had
not achieved a ride
upon my breath for
the last forty minutes
but I
knew I had become
in a thought
every thought
every minute every
feeling every shift
down of eye sideways
and this was
marvellous work
marvellous
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
I have read
I have sat
but still want
magic
to affirm my worth
to affirm my necessariness
I cannot just face my just-am-ness
and yet there is so much in ‘just’
the endless endless appearances
and there is so much in ‘am’
the precision of the still still fulcrum
from which they never came
and which was never there
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
seeing
I no
need to is therefore
see that that there
I am see and
seeing no one to
in order see and
to see nothing to
that is
there
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
Shunryu
Suzuki
Roshi
“… if you understand that
our practice is
endless that
is true understanding.”
all of a sudden
for one stanza
only
a shaft of sunlight stabbed
into the front room of the
house
opposite – a clear shadow
sloping down the side wall –
I could see inside
as if I was there
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
Shunryu
Suzuki
Roshi
“… if you understand that
our practice is
endless that
is true understanding.”
all of a sudden
for one stanza
only
a shaft of sunlight stabbed
into the front room of the
house
opposite – a clear shadow
sloping down the side wall –
I could see inside
as if I was there
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
aha!
sat looser this time
in the armchair
blankets scattered about
but I was angry
scattered about
saw the dips
felt the song
tasted the drive
heard the hounds-tooth blanket
envelope me
I got lost again
but when I returned
there was nothing
to return to
no further wave
no crescendo
where did it go?
just the blankets
left round the cushion
rucked untidy and beautiful
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
twisted
pulled
and chipped
a table
a desk
for my important work
for my vindicating work where
I will have all my works
spread out
and organised
that’ll show them
they don’t listen to me
nobody listens to me
I’ll lift the table from the top floor
to the ground floor
myself
I am strong I can do it
this way
missed the
last step
of the first flight
heel caught
dip tuck twist
hold table shoulderstrong pulled
mouth drops to edge of table
front tooth chips from inside drop table
sigh sitdown
falls three steps side legs wrench off
thnNNK
feeling the inside
of my front tooth
sheet of sweat on my brow
I stand up and sit down
when the black and grey houndstooths
appear
I knew in a head-down
what had happened
I knew in a don’tpassout
what I had been practising for weeks or months
up to this point
the very antipathy
of what I am trying to be
the very stuff
I am trying not to be
and in that trying
compounding the lack of what I truly am
twisted
pulled
and chipped
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
guileless naïveté –
a biographical
manifest –oh!
do not preclude writing
dressed in poetic ideas
open to new-dity
looking at everything
all over again
fifty years on
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
I sit
and for a few
precious seconds
maybe even
partial seconds
if I’m honest
I’ll breathe
like a tulip
without my notice
or intention
and ‘like a flash of lightning
in the dark of night’
the whole garden
will shift with the breeze
and theme the colour of the moment
too quick
to shelter from the
timeless creeping penumbra
a tangled grubby weave
of voice and echo wide as the sky
ah, but the air the air
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
realisation
I get muddied
into habits and reaction
like settled dishwater
my life is so dirty
with bits of food
floating around
–~~~~~…”O”…~~~~~–
Oh. Seeing. Excellent! 💋
natch