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                                and chipped

                                a table
                                a desk
                      for my important work
                      for my vindicating work where
                      I will have all my works
                                spread out
                                and organised
                                that’ll show them

                                they don’t listen to me
                                nobody listens to me
                      I’ll lift the table from the top floor
                      to the ground floor
                      I am strong I can do it
                                this way

                                missed the
                                last step
                      of the first flight
                                heel caught
                                dip tuck twist
                      hold table shoulderstrong       pulled
                      mouth drops to edge of table
                      front tooth chips from inside drop table
                                sigh sitdown
                      falls three steps side legs wrench off

                                feeling the inside
                                of my front tooth
                      sheet of sweat on my brow
                      I stand up and sit down
                      when the black and grey houndstooths

                                I knew in a head-down
                                what had happened
                                I knew in a don’tpassout
                      what I had been practising for weeks or months
                                up to this point

                                the very antipathy
                                of what I am trying to be
                                the very stuff
                                I am trying not to be
                                and in that trying
                      compounding the lack of what I truly am
                                and chipped





part of … oh
realisation wormhole: I didn’t see it coming
stairs wormhole: phantom / stranger
table wormhole: Woolwich Central – / making life better II
Tunbridge Wells wormhole: sun low / from behind
vindication wormhole: the / pyrrhic / play