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                                   I don’t play
                           enough now I’m fifty two
                                   spent forty four years
                           being super-heroic in a hundred
                                   secret ways to prove my

                                   way too serious
                           leaves me vulnerable – aghh
                                   someone caught a glimpse of me
                                   without my costume
                           weakening … me … can’t … uhh
                                   stand up
                                   must get … away
                           grit teeth r-treet
                                   mst bebyemslf

                                   and I don’t play
                                   I am not eous
                                                  c       r       e
                                                e    I am not   a
                                                  v       i       t




                                   as much
                                   or as often
                                   as I should

                                                      when I sit I get all Ray Palmer-ish
                                   or hypnagogic
                           when I write I get all sizeist or structuralist
                                   or intimidated into block
                           when I teach I am locked down in the tragedy
                                   EVEN WHILE I SLEEP

                           I should sit
                           I should write
                           I should teach but

                                   nowhere near

                                              … so
                                   what do we want?

                           spontaneity creativity happiness relaxed alert sharp skipping smiley persistent retiring accommodating attention

                                              in what I am doing

                                   when do we want it?


                                              all the time
                                   as it waves and troughs
                                              throughout the day

                                   not thrilled by bits
                                              not resentful of pieces
                                   holding all with attention

                                   holding all with attention
                                   and write something fucking
                                              happy for a change

                                   taking notice of everything
                                              you aware

                                   luxuriating and moving on

                                              look at wood
                                              smell the air
                                              and always
                                              always move on

                                              don’t dwell
                                              making it

                                              and even when you do
                                   don’t make it a biggie
                                   give yourself
                                              a slightly exaggerated ‘tut’
                                   and look at the thing
                                              you are looking at and …






awareness & identity & teaching wormhole: dream / career
being & doing & writing wormhole: grey sky
creativity wormhole: Apologia
letting go wormhole: it is knowing what to drop once / everything has been collected together / that makes everything fit
life wormhole: the Schmuck and the Facilitators
play wormhole: at hand
pointlessness wormhole: snow
sitting wormhole: every time ambition / breathes
superhero wormhole: anatta
talking to myself & zazen wormhole: my job
waves wormhole: in the gem shop / on the pier