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                           dream 290307

                           I am visiting Manjushri Institute* with my family
                           we come to a room and I realise I am joining
                           Geshe Kelsang** for dinner

                           I should not be here sharing dinner with Geshe-la
                           I cannot meet his look
                           but he is very host-like and gracious
                           he bears no resentment
                           it is just myself
                           giving myself
                           a hard time





     I am at a gathering
     in someone’s house
     some sort of teaching event happening
     sitting in the lounge I notice
     that the picture on the wall is different
     it is a large sketch of Geshe Kelsang**
     drawn from above ‘comic book’ realistic
     later in the morning I join a group for breakfast
     I am following a figure onto the balcony
     in fact I am that figure
     then I am seeing from that figure’s perspective
     like a documentary
     the figure is Geshe Kelsang and then
     I am myself again
     and Geshe-la is joining us for breakfast
     honoured to have him join us
     he is jovial and light-humoured
     he takes one mouthful of something –
     was it avocado – and quips ‘I am better now’
     putting down his knife and fork

     all my fathers of this life
     I don’t get on with them that well
     I seem to find myself in a position
     I cannot talk with them
     I expect an impossible ideal of them
     I see them fall short and then
     I sulk





                                                                                    at the table
                                                                                    at the feast
                                                                                    sees me reach
                                                                                    for the food
                                                                                    chastises me
                                                                                    for wanting
                                                                                    to eat too



* Conishead Priory, known as Manjushri Institute, in Cumbria on the shores of Morecambe Bay.   A Buddhist college; lived there 1983-1984.
** Geshe-la – affectionate honorific used for the teacher, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso.   I moved from the Priory to begin my career twenty years previous to these dreams.



dream & family & house & identity & speech wormhole: dream / 130207
Geshe Kelsang wormhole: dream / 010397
morning wormhole: dream / 190599