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                the purpose of having a room to myself
                      a place where I can grow
                is not to train like an athlete
                      in reading writing and sitting
                but to interrupt the programme
                      to dispel the eyes-down anxiety
                                high in my throat
                                deep in my forehead
                                still on the page
                      so I can read and write and sit
                                              only

                been sitting for quite some time now
                getting worse and worse at it
                less able to sit comfortably
                                  creatively
                             healthily
                      because I sit with such grim
                in order to ride over the anxiety
                      that I just can’t sit
                      as I just can’t write
                      as I just can’t teach
                      as I just can’t love
                      as I just can’t influence
                      as I just can’t be
                                anything

                      and there I am
                with the problem and the antidote
                      all in one package
                      hook line and sinker
                      belts and braces
                      baby and bathwater
                      all in one sitting

                      and I missed it again
                      because I was anxious
                      that I was missing the whole point
                                anyway

                                exhalation
                                long and complete
                                a few seconds longer
                                before I would draw in again
                                without guile or gain

                                              breathe, be
                                              and sit still

 

 

 

————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–

anxiety & letting go wormhole: wider resolve
being wormhole: dream / 130207
breathing wormhole: gravity
practice & talking to myself wormhole: good job
reading wormhole: getting rid / of old books
sitting & writing wormhole: stranger / if we met