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                                of life
                is being
it is the one experience I cannot abide in all its different guises and identities

                                it galvanises my endeavour
                                in life
                I have spent a whole lie
                                looking for significance to be significant
                                in order to prove that I am not insignificant

                and as I get older
I find that my attempts
                                and whole campaigns for significance
                are not what I’d hoped
                                                   finding that I am after all
                that I cannot achieve significance and
had never got closer to significance through any of my works
                                no matter how hard I’ve cried

                                my bottom line:
                I am insignificant
and this is also my treasure all along
                                what a relief
                leave me alone

                                                   my life has rendered me into retreat
                                no one listens
                                no one notices
                which I have resisted and resented all my life
                                I cannot hold responsibility
I have nothing to contribute to that woe and decline (that anyone wants)
                                                   there is
                                no career
                or role for Mark Redford in this world
                                and this is his blessing
                                                   and this is his opportunity

                I could be in retreat for the rest of my life
                                without arranging anything
                                                   and I have only just realised this
                                so stop messing around
                trying to get a career and recognition under your feet
                                instead do what your whole life has left for you to do
                                                   (but you are such a sloppy and naïve sitter)
                                                                      move into
                                                                      with discipline
                                and become the Child of Illusion
                                                                      you always wanted to be





being & doing & talking to myself wormhole: fly
career wormhole: inverse superhero
identity & life & settling wormhole: gradually finding
pointlessness wormhole: worthwhile
sitting wormhole: again
society wormhole: ashramas