Tags
'scape, 2012, 7*, being, childhood, combe end, conservatory, creativity, doing, doors, fir, freedom, garden, ghosts, gold, ideas, identity, knowing, learning, life, lost, melodrama, oak, power, reading, recognition, silence, silver, sitting room, sun, thinking, time, tragedy, values, wind, windows, winter, world
across the room
through the patio doors
through the conservatory windows
at the bottom of the garden
the still bifurcated trunk of
the oak
before the let-grown hair and fringes
of the fir tree
blown every lifetime in a while by the winter sun
from childhood – I just don’t know
so I learn to read a what and when
I learn to make a how and why
and get so lost
every time I am blind-sided and over-ridden
I had
based my identity (out
of ‘don’t know’)
on my seen and proffered
I had
invested my value
in my take and provision
so I become transparent
and even shake my chains a little
every time
for such a long time now
that I sigh a tragedy and become a melodrama
all by myself
actually
I have good ideas and do some good things
but they never were and never could be
me
I had … them
I created … them
and I am ever far far quieter and wider than any local opinion or play
if only I could remember that
if only I could live that
trouble is
the seeking validation
the seeking confirmation that what I say and do
is valid in the world
because
what I think and do is valid but
not because
and never only because
it wins a notice or purchase in the world all like the wind
I have
so much freedom and so much power in the world
I can think anywhere
I can do anything
if only I did but squander it all chasing pieces of silver
maybe
I’m way too polite
I don’t obstruct I don’t get in the way
I keep objection to myself
the only way as a child to be of value or benefit throughout life
hoping someone will notice the golden silence I have to offer
in a pathologically uninterested world
————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–
being & identity & reading wormhole: only
childhood wormhole: cupboards
combe end wormhole: 3:30 am
conservatory & recognition wormhole: again
creativity wormhole: inverse superhero
doing & life wormhole: Child of Illusion
doors wormhole: the early morning of the sixties
fir & garden wormhole: dream 040198 / Eglinton Hill
ghosts wormhole: nightmare
gold wormhole: heavy shower …
learning wormhole: good / enough
oak & sitting room wormhole: ‘the next station / is Hever’
power wormhole: the way
silence wormhole: zazen in everyday life
silver wormhole: Eridge Station
sun wormhole: red net curtains / with appliqué blooms
thinking & wind wormhole: through the window
time wormhole: too
values wormhole: Put service back into people rather than productivity
world wormhole: Woodbrooke labyrinth / affirmations
windows wormhole: through the window
winter wormhole: the sun / in a clean / industrial / sky
mlewisredford 