Bob 1995-2012

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

 

                                          Bob

                      took the scatter
                of wind around the ground
                      and the tumble
                of too many things to deal with
                      in life
                as they fell from the trees in the rain
                      today

                      and spent
                      lifetimes
                sitting on the sill watching
                      a single
                blade of montbretia agitate
                      and
                the crown of the oak lean quietly into
                      the blue
                      blue sky

                      job done

                      calmly

                                          1995
                                          2012

 

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

 

                 why do I miss you now
                 running up and down
                 the kitchen squeowing
                 for the food cupboard
                 to open through sheer
                 force of cat?

                 I somehow knew I was feeding you for the last time
                 I knew I was holding you and letting your
                 shoulder lean into my hand and scratching
                 your head and neck for the last time
                 I kissed the back of your head for the first time
                 but you who were stuck in a feline world
                 just didn’t know

                 and released from that body your ignorance
                 was far wiser than my knowledge

                 you were cute as a cat
                 skitty and scrawny
                 and did a lot of cat-processing of the world but
                 your body was rotting
                 and there is far more potential to be realised
                 now that it doesn’t define your space and limit

                 I wish you well
                 empty being
                 with whom I lived your life as a small creature
                 may we continue our beings
                 now less complicatedly defined

 

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

 

                                                      mourning

                           that back and forth
                           that feeding and clearing up
                           that occasional stop and
                                communicate through
                                caress and scratch
                           that wondering what on earth
                                there is to watch and see
                                through the dining room window
                                for hours

                           is now no longer with me
                           is now all inside me goodbye

                           dear creature
                           that taught me
                           to care despite
                           demand or
                           comeback        only

                           retrospectively

                           I was much too
                           slow at the time

 

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

 

                      morning

                                   is it just fanciful to think
                                   that it rained all the day you died
                                          and I freshly grieved
                                          the hundred times that
                                          I’d forgotten and then
                                          remembered again
                                   and it blew all the night you died
                                          and I recited my prayers
                                          and thought my thoughts
                                          trying hard to keep my mind
                                          on the emptiness you had become

                                                              but this morning the sky
                                                              is bright bright blue and
                                                              the fir trees are leaning
                                                              here and there not quite sure
                                                              what they are doing here
                                                              all brushed up now
                                                              clean and bristling

 

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

 

                                                      love

                                   there is a tumble
                                   of miss and match
                                   between what we provide
                                   and what others want and get

                                   quite independent
                                   of either’s desire
                                   but wholly because
                                   we just bother

 

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

 

                                                                                    slipstream

                                              Bob sat
                                              and ran
                                              and groo
                                              med and
                                              fed and
                                              jumped
                                              and sle
                                              pt and st
                                              retched
                                              for sev
                                              enteen y
                                              ears and
                                              then just
                stopped she got ill and then just stopped

                                              she transformed energy in her life
                                the transforming doesn’t happen
                                                                                    through her anymore
                                              it just wafts around a little
                unsure where to go
                                                              little swirls and eddies like the nap of her fur
it’ll take a little time to get used up elsewhere

                waiting for me to
                about bloody time
                realise that my love
                and seeing always
                happen right now
                just right now

 

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

POST SCRIPT

 

                                     twenty five
                                     year career

                           three weeks before
                           I was digging a deep
                           hole in the garden
                           in the rain for the
                           family pet that had
                           died – put her body
                           back and let her energy
                           go elsewhere

                           as I worked down
                           I couldn’t tell apart
                           the dirt and the stone
                           until I levered it out
                           and cleaned away
                           what would shift and
                           it was only then that
                           I realised what had
                           been stopping my
                           clean and even
                           progress

 

___===~—~”B”~—~===___

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