• Bodhisattvacharyavatara
    • Introduction
    • Chapter 1
    • Chapter 2
    • Chapter 3
    • Chapter 4
    • Chapter 5
    • Chapter 6
    • Chapter 7
    • Chapter 8
    • Chapter 9
    • Chapter 10
  • collected works
    • 25th August 1981 – count Up
    • askance From Hell
    • Batman
    • The Boats of Vallisneria by Michael J. Redford
    • Bob 1995-2012
    • Edward Hopper: Poems at an Exhibition
    • David Bowie Movements in Suite Major
    • Eglinton Hill
    • FLOORBOARDS
    • Granada
    • in and out / the Avebury stones / can’t seem to get / a signal …
    • Lapping Reflections [Deep Within Waters]
    • Miller’s Batman
    • mum
    • nan
    • Portsmouth – Southsea
    • Spring Warwick breezes / over Bacharach fieldwork and boroughs with / the occasional shift and chirp of David / in the pastel-long morning of the sixties
    • through the crash
  • index
    • #A-E see!
    • F–K, wha’ th’
    • L-P 33 1/3 rpm
    • Q-T pie
    • U-Z together forever
  • me
  • others
  • poemics
  • poeviews
  • teaching matters
  • wormholes

mlewisredford

~ almost indefatigable and quietly militant naïveté …

mlewisredford

Tag Archives: broken

animus rises – powieview #37

02 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by m lewis redford in alladem poems, poeviews

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1971, 2016, 7*, adolescence, Allen Ginsberg, anima, animus, bliss, body, Bowie, broken, business, castration, chair, embarrasment, eyes, finger, genitalia, green, guitar, Howl, identity, music, open, rooftops, sex, touch

                ah, the lick the
                ahh-dolescence
                the rise of anima
                touched and sigh’d

                embodied, oo, I’ve
                got one of those,
                one of these, I’m
                one of them, wav-

                ing genitals to
                eternity from the
                rooftops until,
                embarrassed,

                animus rises
                statuesque to the
                cause, blissfully
                broken across

                open green eyes,
                easy shots from
                the swivel chair
                with cut-off finger

 

sigh‘d from the tumultuous adolescence of Ziggy Stardust, 1971 and Soul Love, 1971

Read the collected movements in David Bowie: Movements in Suite Major

 

 

————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–

Bowie wormhole: loss
eyes wormhole: coagulating
green wormhole: olive trees
guitar wormhole: in the Java ‘n’ Jazz
identity wormhole: it’s all about…;
music wormhole: quiet river
open wormhole: frame
rooftops wormhole: between

 

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nothing significant

12 Wednesday Apr 2017

Posted by m lewis redford in alladem poems

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

2013, being, broken, doing, living

                pulled my back doing
                nothing significant

                so now I am a baby
                to the world

 

 

 

————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–

being wormhole: redundant
doing wormhole: bud
living wormhole: Open – All – Ours

 

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just saying, is all VI: // accountable / for my own outbreath / …

20 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by m lewis redford in alladem poems

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

2013, 2016, 6*, accountability, air, breathing, broken, career, dialectic, encounter, experience, fantasy, oxymoronic, pavement, practice, Principal, recognition, results-led education, sidelined, skill, slogans, staring, talking, teaching, time, voices, words

                just saying, is all VI

                agh; the Principal
                walking this way
                can’t avoid it have
                to talk to him; ‘how

                ARE you?’; and to
                my reclacitrant ‘OK’
                he tells me my
                experience and skill

                count for a lot and
                I walk away staring
                at the edge of the
                pavement trying to

                fit the words to
                decades of sideline;
                why didn’t I just
                scream in his face

                that his word and
                his breathing are
                oxymoronic to each
                other as I so often

                fantasise doing; but
                I am broken by this
                place in which these
                OK-spores are air,

                I have no leverage
                of dialectic from
                which to speak, so
                easy to evade my lob

                and practice by
                referring the Briefings:
                ‘a little precious’, ‘not
                a team player’, ‘ask him

                about his children’,
                ‘doesn’t affect results’,
                ‘doesn’t make sense’;
                smile and shift-agenda,

                endear by using his
                own name, slip in a
                Slogan and, there,
                a free and frank

                exchange which
                has left me accountable
                for my own outbreath
                …

 

as of September 2016 I am retired early from teaching – without prejudice – because I could no longer find any more inbreaths to keep practising; the encounter happened about three years previously, the humanomanagerialasphyxia virus took hold about 2001 beginning an odyssey with no resolve; now I teach myself to breathe again by embracing … no resolve; the next ‘just saying, is all’ will be about life inside the plastic bag over my head, I know it, I’ve written in, I’ve breathed it

 

 

————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–

air & teaching wormhole: this aching // and spacious dichotomy
breathing wormhole: sleep now
career wormhole: travel
practice & time wormhole: interim
recognition wormhole: happen//ing
results-led education wormhole: teached / in the ass
talking wormhole: familiasyncopation
voices wormhole: did I get old?
words wormhole: Prajnaparamita // Maitreya

 

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travel

22 Monday Aug 2016

Posted by m lewis redford in alladem poems

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2013, being, broken, career, fracture, holiday, identity, leisure, poem, seeing, travelling, work, world

                                                travel

                I can’t get a comfortable seat
                to see the poem, even though

                I am in newplace on holiday,
                I cannot see I cannot see

                in this world of leisure and elasticity
                because of a dream that

                delivers me broken unto the world,
                then because I cannot

                tolerate the break, I fracture from sight
     to the world

 

 

 

————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–

being wormhole: even / a second
career wormhole: chartless …
holiday & seeing wormhole: too late:
identity wormhole: the purple mist between
travelling wormhole: gone black
work wormhole: The Boats of Vallisneria by Michael J Redford – Safe Home
world wormhole: hello, luvvey, do you want a cup of tea?

 

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dry rot

10 Tuesday May 2016

Posted by m lewis redford in alladem poems

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

2012, anger, breakdown, broken, care, career, creation, culture, decision, disregard, giving, growth, illness, management, managerialism, resentment, speech, survival, teaching, thought, work

 

 

 

                                dry rot

                                still

                resentment sets in
                                I go to work anyway
                but the resentment is always there
                                I create resources I mark books
                                I teach lessons
                but the resentment is always there
                                I do my fucking duty
                                I do an extra parent’s evening
                but the resentment is always there
                                some manager asks how I am
                                I tell them I survive
                                              (but I don’t tell them
                                               I don’t thrive –
                                               `not quick enough)
                but the resentment is always there

                I offered my thought
                               my creation
                               my care
                because I nurtured growth
                              I cultured way
                              I wanted to give

                                AND YOU PAUSED
                IN YOUR BUSY-NESS AND PRESSURE
                JUST LONG ENOUGH TO GET ON
                                WITH YOUR BUSINESS AND PRESSURE TO COMPENSATE THE OH, SO, ANXIETY OF
                                MAKING THOSE TOUGH DECISIONS FOR THE SAKE OF PROGRESS (PROFIT?)
                                TO OVERLOOK

                                what I continue to think
                                what is still on the table
                                              unopened
                                but which has lost the will
                                              to project anymore

                                              you

                                              make

                                              me

                                              sick

                you made me sick
                                you created a sick teacher
                even while I attend each day
                                for the sake of absence management
                even while I create and mark
                                for the sake of growth
                even while I sit through a meeting
                                which dribbles on about ‘good to outstanding’ until it is running down your neck
                still the resentment is always there
                                sticky invisible and malignant

 

I know: we’ve heard it all before; just indulge this little toddler for a little while longer, will you; it has only slightly altered since I wrote it a good four years ago, like being in a boat on the sea, buffeted and brûlée’d, looking for where the sky becomes screen and the prow rips through it (c’mon, film buffs, what am I talking about?)

 

 

————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–

breakdown & management wormhole: Dear Sir/Madam,
career wormhole: need
giving wormhole: tong len / the inauguration of another – timely – butter fly effect / taking and giving
managerialism wormhole: what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie
speech wormhole: fine
teaching wormhole: aghh – we’ve been infected / it’s spreading through the system / we’re losing our files … / it’s taken out the processor … / I, I can’t open with this program anymore … / it’s scanning me – / I’ve got to buy a Virus Protection Program / from it …
thought wormhole: the both passive and transitive / non-presumptive pre-conceptualist attenuation of being
work wormhole: work

 

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obituary

15 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by m lewis redford in alladem poems

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

2012, 7*, breakdown, broken, career, death, kitchen, life, lifetimes, managerialism, speech, teaching

 

 

 

                                   obituary

my career – teaching minds to follow through their own thought –
died on the morning of 121212.   It was twenty five years old.

it had been suffering from the degenerative effects of the
humanomanagerialasphyxia virus for at least eleven years

it fought the illness bravely in frozen anger up to the very last minute
but succumbed while getting ready for work when the kettle came to the boil

it came undignified in long hiccupped lines of “I can’t do this anymore”
a few battered heads against the cupboards in anger that it should come to this

and finally crouching foetal in the corner by the sink face
cracked heartbeat held until the next inhalationnnn____________________________

                           ______________

                I am in mourning now – lost seconds where I realise
                I will not breathe in the same way anymore

                I will not lob the thought or fence the field
                or hold the bridge or improvise vision or applaud

                or note or remember or give a new world
                or hold the eyes looking out of the cave

                with a slight smile
                anymore

 

 

 

————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–

breakdown wormhole: the Mark Redford Problem
career wormhole: really?
death wormhole: slipstream
kitchen wormhole: ‘my Dot …’
life wormhole: realisation
lifetimes wormhole: zen against / the window
managerialism & teaching wormhole: ‘if you want to rely on me …’
speech wormhole: so lonely

 

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… Mark; remember …

"... the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful; it is destructive.    Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you.   You open your safe to find ashes. ~ Annie Dillard

pages coagulating like yogurt

  • Bodhisattvacharyavatara
    • Chapter 1
    • Chapter 10
    • Chapter 2
    • Chapter 3
    • Chapter 4
    • Chapter 5
    • Chapter 6
    • Chapter 7
    • Chapter 8
    • Chapter 9
    • Introduction
  • collected works
    • 25th August 1981 – count Up
    • askance From Hell
    • Batman
    • Bob 1995-2012
    • David Bowie Movements in Suite Major
    • Edward Hopper: Poems at an Exhibition
    • Eglinton Hill
    • FLOORBOARDS
    • Granada
    • in and out / the Avebury stones / can’t seem to get / a signal …
    • Lapping Reflections [Deep Within Waters]
    • Miller’s Batman
    • mum
    • nan
    • Portsmouth – Southsea
    • Spring Warwick breezes / over Bacharach fieldwork and boroughs with / the occasional shift and chirp of David / in the pastel-long morning of the sixties
    • The Boats of Vallisneria by Michael J. Redford
    • through the crash
  • index
    • #A-E see!
    • F–K, wha’ th’
    • L-P 33 1/3 rpm
    • Q-T pie
    • U-Z together forever
  • me
  • others
  • poemics
  • poeviews
  • teaching matters
  • wormholes

recent leaks …

  • {Ellen Terry’s house}
  • skeins of candy pink and lilac
  • so where have I got:
  • polystyrene / boulderscape
  • to arms, then;
  • TWIMC; FYI; NB and cop an ‘earful of this
  • the turtle and the yoke
  • stuck in lower realm
  • perspective
  • where did the silence go

Uncanny Tops

  • Moebius strip
  • me
  • 'I can write ...'
  • covert being
  • like butterflies on / buddleia
  • 'hello old friend ...'
  • To my Mum
  • start where you are I
  • amid
  • 'I wanted to write a poem'

category sky

alladem poems announcements asprinkalla prose awards poeviews teaching

tag skyline

'scape 2* 3* 4* 5* 6* 7* 8* 9* 20th century 1930s 1959 1960s 1961 1963 1964 1965 1966 1967 1968 1969 1970 1970s 1971 1972 1973 1974 1975 1976 1977 1978 1979 1980 1981 1982 1983 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 abandonment abdomen acceptance accountability achievement adjustment advert Africa afterlife afternoon age ageing agenda air airport Alan Moore alcohol Allen Ginsberg alley allowing amber ambition America Amitabha Amsterdam anatta angel anger angle anxiety apartment appearence apple apricot architecture arrival art Ashdown Forest assessment for learning attention authority autumn Avengers avenue awareness awkward balance balcony bark bass bathroom Batman bay window beach Beatles beauty becoming bed bedroom beech beer beige being Belgium belief bells bench Beresford Square bicycle Big Picture biography birch bird birds birdsong Birmingham birth birthday black black bat blackbird blindness block blogging blood blossom blue blue bat blues Bodhichitta bodhisattva Bodhisattvacharyavatara body books bookshop boundary Bournville Bowie boy branches breakdown breakfast breasts breath breathing breeze brick bridge Brighton broken brother brown Brussels Buddha buddleia building buildings bureaucracy burgundy Burt Bacharach bus bushes business butter butterfly cafe Canary Wharf cancer cape capitalism care career carlights Carol car park carpet cars Castleton cat cathedral cause and effect ceiling Central Park centrifugal centripetal chair change chaos charcoal Charlotte Chenrezig child childhood children chimney chimney stacks Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche choice chords Christmas church cigar cigarette circle circular poem city class click clock clothes clouds coffee coffee shop cognitive hierarchy colour columns combe end comics communication compassion compromise connection conservatory consistency consume consumerism contemplation copper beech corner cornice corridors cottage countryside courage cowl cows CPD crane cream creation creativity crow Crowborough crying Cuckmere Haven cuckoo curtains cypress Dad dancing Daredevil dark Darmstadt daughter dawn death decades decision dedication defeat defining democracy depression desert desire despair detachment detail dialectic dialogue dining room Dionne Warwick direction disappearance discernment discipline discovery discussion disempowerment dissolving distance distraction divorce dog doing doors Dormammu doubt drawing dream dress drips driving drops Dr Strange drum dust duty dwelling Dylan earrings earth east Eastbourne eating echo economics Eda Eddie Campbell edge education educational behaviourism Edward Hopper effort eggs Eglinton Hill Eiffel Tower electric ellipsis elm embarrassment emergence Emma Peel emptiness empty encounter endeavour Enlightenment ennui Eternity Europe evaluation evening existence expectation experience exploitation expression eyebrow eyes facade face faces faith fall falling family fate father fear feeling feet fence field fields film finding finger fingers fir fire flag flagpole floodlights floorboards flow flower flowers fly flying fog footsteps forest form found fracture Frank Miller freedom friends friendship From Hell frustration furniture future game garden gaze Gene Colan generation Genesta Road gentleness Geshe Kelsang getting ground ghosts girl giving glance glass glasses God gods gold gorse government grain Granada Gran Canaria grass gravity green Greenwich Park grey ground groundlessness growing growth guilt guitar guru gutter habit haiku hair hands handshake happiness harvest hats Have hawthorne Haywards Heath head hearing heart heat hedge height Herbert Road Herstmonceux Castle hidden hierarchy high hill hills Hillside history holiday home honesty hope horizon horizontal horse Horsham hospital hotel house houses housing estate Howl Hulk humanity humour hurt husband hyperbole ideas identity illness illusion image impermanence importance inclusion Infantino infrastructure injustice ink inside insight inspiration institution interdependent origination iron isolation ivy jazz jewel John Joker Jon Joni Mitchell Joseph journey joy justice karma Katie kiss kitchen knowing knowledge Kos lamp lamp post land landscape language lark laugh laughing lawn laziness leaf leaning learning learning objective leaves legacy legs Leicester leisure lemon lesson planning letter letting go Lewes library life lifetimes light lightning lilac lime line listening living living room LoJong London loneliness looking loss lost love madness magazine management managerialism Manhattan Manjushri mantra marble markbook market maroon marriage married Mars mauve meadow meaning measure meditation memorial memory message metaphor Michael J Redford middle way mind mindfulness mint mirror mist moment money moon moonlight morality Morecambe morning mother mother sentient beings motorway mountain mouse mouth movement Mr Magoo muddy Mum muse music naked name Nan National Curriculum nature naïveté Neal Adams neck net curtains newsagent New York night Nightmare noise non-doing non-striving nose notebook nothing notice now numbers oak obligation observation ochre offer offering OFSTED olive open opening openness orange organic education orgasm others outcome-led education outside owl page pain paint painting parent parenting parents Paris park passing pastel path patience pattern pavement Pema Chödrön Penguin people perception performance performance management perspective petals petrol philosophy phone photograph piano pigeon pigeons pine pink pipe pipes placement plane planet planets planning plants play Plumstead Plumstead common pocket poem poessay poetry point pointlessness politics pool portrait possibility posture potential power powerlessness power lines practice Prajnaparamita prayer precision presumption pride Priory privacy process production professional development professionalism profile progress promenade pub public service public service cuts publishing puddle pupils puppet purple purpose question questioning questions quiet radio railtrack rain rainbow Ramsden Heath reaching reading realisation reality rebirth reblog recognition red red bat reflection reggae regret relationship relaxing release relief religion remembering renunciation resource responsibility results-led education retirement returning rhetoric rhyme rhythm Riddler ripple river roads Roan School for Boys Robin rock role roof rooftops room roots rose roses running rust sadness Salinger samsara sand sandstone sandwich satisfaction Saturday saxophone school sea Seaford seagull searching seasons secret seeds seeing self self-compassion self-containment self-love September settling shade shadow shamatha-vipashyana shame Shantideva shape shelf shift ship shirt Shooters Hill shop shops shoulders Shrewsbury Park Shunryu Suzuki Roshi sidewalk sight significance silence silhouette silver singing sitting sitting room skin sky skyline sleep slogans smell smile smoke snow society son song sound south Southsea space sparrows speaking speech speed spell Spiderman spontaneity spotlights Spring square squirrel stairs standing Stan Lee staring starlings stars state station statistics statue staying steel Steely Dan step Steve Ditko Steve Englehart stillness stone stopped storm story Strange Tales streetlight streets stress strike striving struggle stucco study suburbia suffering summer sun Sunday sunlight sunset superhero Superman supermarket superpower survival swimming sycamore Sylvia Plath table tag cloud poem talking talking to myself Tara targets tarmac taste taxi tea teachers teaching teaching art teaching craft tears teeth telephone lines terrace texture Thames the Boats of Vallisneria the British Empire Thich Nhat Hanh thinking Thor thought thread throat thunder tide tie time tin tired toes tonglen town traffic traffic lights tragedy train transition transmission travelling tree trees truck true nature trumpet truth tulip Tunbridge Wells turquoise tv twilight typewriter UB40 Uckfield-London line ultimate reality Ulverston uncle understanding universe university up vague valley value value-bled education value-led education values vanity velvet venetian blinds vermillion vertical viaduct Victorian houses view village vindication vision vista vocation voices vow waiting waking walking walls walnut wandering wanting war warp watching water waves weather weeds weft weight whale wheat white wife will William Carlos Williams willow wind windows windscreen wine winter wires wisdom woman wonder wood Woodbrooke woodland Woolwich words work workload world writing years yellow zazen Zen
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