poessay III: jijimuge

Tags

2011, 7*, agenda, allegiance, choreography, communication, democracy, discussion, facet, gas, glass, inclusion, interdependent origination, jijimuge, knowledge, manipulation, power, reference, relative, semantics, society, understanding, value, words

                poessay III: jijimuge

                to allow any knowledge
                to accumulate
                it must be valued
                as        relative

                therefore       a-valuable
                so that it cannot render
                understanding;
                you cannot find a Way

                with accumulated knowledge
                you become anodyne
                to discussion and open
                to hijack and manipulation of the agenda

                communication becomes a wrestle –
                thrown grunted slammed –
                but nevertheless loosely
                choreographed

                words become the stock of the exchange
                but not the value
                each word just a nickel or a dime
                the value of words today

                is as means to exercise
                power              through allegiance
                to the notion of a freedom
                inherent in democracy

                I would rather look through
                a perfect glass stone
                look through one facet and see
                all other facets either near or distant

                but all related
                and then another facet
                still allincluded but interrelatedly interreferenced intervaluably intersemantically
                not dispersed            like gas

 

The world of ji: one in one, when one is taken-in by all, one enters into all.   The world of ri: one in all, when all is taken-in by one, all enters into one.   The world of ri and ji perfectly interfused: all in one, when one is taken-in by one, one enters into one.   The world where each individual ji is seen as interfused with every other: all in all, when all is taken-in by all, all enters into all.   This last one, jiji muge hokkai, is said to be the highest world of Enlightenment.

adapted from the words found in: http://www.taichido.com/chi/newbud/sato3.htm

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

communication wormhole: lonely and free
glass & society wormhole: fresh destiny
knowledge wormhole: The Boats of Vallisneria by Michael J. Redford – On Doing Nothing
power wormhole: the purple mist between
understanding wormhole: listen willya
words wormhole: 1967

 

listen willya

Tags

2012, 7*, allowing, anxiety, budget, buildings, business, care, communication, consumerism, creativity, David Cameron, education, evaluation, exploration, extension, flag, Have, history, inclusion, innovation, investment, justice, knowledge, learning, lesson, life, listening, love, management, Margaret Thatcher, market, money, nurture, ownership, politics, privatisation, professionalism, prospect, public service, public service cuts, reform, slogans, society, speech, statistics, status, talking, teaching, time, tolerance, Tony Blair, understanding, value-bled education, value-led education, values, vision, wisdom

                                listen willya

                David Cameron, Tony stupid Blair, Margaret bloody Thatcher,
                and all your snivelling Secretaries of Career, and learn this, now –

                                                   don’t go!__
                                business ) education

                you’ve created a RIGHT MESS trying to make it go
                and you’ve spent a QUARTER CENTURY trying to make it go

                trying to work it out with long division, taking everything apart
                to make it go; it just has no value anymore

                nothing has any value anymore, no one cares anymore, we are
                all just anxious; dy’know

                you said KUE* every lesson, I said don’t be so silly,
                I spent five years making it work, I said I’ve made it work

                you said don’t be so silly – it doesn’t influence the statistics;
                I have to go to school now and pretend I’m a professional

                in all sorts of ways to make it look like it goes,
                but it just doesn’t; y’know we’re going to have

                to start all over again if we want anything like education in society again,
                right back to the drawing board; and no history; let’s see –

                                                           _creativity_
                                              nurture ) education

                                               exploration_
                                listening ) education

                                                          _wisdom__
                                              tenure ) education

                           _inclusion_
                vision ) education

                                                                    _innovation_
                                              management ) education

                                                    _extension_
                                exploration ) education

                                 _allowing_
                creativity ) education

                                                            _tolerance_
                                              wisdom ) education

                                                       ___love___
                                              care ) education

                                   _prospect_
                investment ) education

                                        __justice_
                                love ) education

                oh I could go on and on; and – no offence – but stuff your statistics
                and your statuses and your budgets and your slogans

                and your privatisation and your reform, screw them up
                into one huge ball and throw them

                in the bin, and let’s just have some
                honest communication now; you, all of you, went wrong

                as soon as you thought that public service should be value for money,
                (should save money, should make money), but no –

                                               ___don’t go!___
                                business ) public service

                a society that is alive, and rugged, makes money
                to build public service, not own it, to run public service,

                not demand of it, gives service to the public, not a market,
                gives life to society, not just consuming it

                you lot don’t know the first thing about big society, none of you,
                public service should absorb money, it should be

                soaked with money, it should lose money: the only reason
                money should exist is for public service,

                because the service it gives is always far more important
                than a big building and a flag;

                so, stop playing your endless games of balance and measure –
                you’re wasting far too much human –

                and start saying something alive, start doing something truthful;
                c’mon now, you look ridiculous

 

* Knowledge Understanding Evaluation

                                                   don’t go!__
                                business ) education

it might well be that the above format won’t make any sense if you are anywhere under the age of 45: it is the revered and ancient way of setting out division calculations in Mathematics; it ‘reads’, “business [divided into] education [=] don’t go”, where you might more readily have “5 [divided into] 60 [=] 12” … the result appears ‘on top’, leaving the space below to do the working out of long division (“17 [divided into] 43.6299 [=] 2.56646470588”; ‘show your working-out, boy’ thwackk)

I first wrote this in 2012 when there was industrial action over teachers’ pay and conditions – just about the time I started completely losing my emotional marbles at work; I have slightly reconfigured the piece and re-posted it on the day that the NUT is taking industrial action over teachers’ workload, pay and budget cuts: what does the government respond: ‘we are spending more than ever on education’!? … ‘show your working-out, girl’ thwackk!!!

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

allowing wormhole: need
anxiety wormhole: what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie
buildings wormhole: the policies came to nothing
communication & politics wormhole: B le tch l ey P ark
creativity & life & love & society & teaching & time wormhole: ashramas
education wormhole: the coming of ‘The Boats of Vallisneria’ by Michael J. Redford
evaluation & understanding wormhole: the Apple
Have wormhole: Jericho
history wormhole: currency of generations
justice wormhole: dedication
knowledge wormhole: Lapping Reflections [Deep Within Waters] – introdepthion
learning wormhole: aghh – we’ve been infected / it’s spreading through the system / we’re losing our files … / it’s taken out the processor … / I, I can’t open with this program anymore … / it’s scanning me – / I’ve got to buy a Virus Protection Program / from it …
listening wormhole: plop!
management wormhole: dry rot
money wormhole: tired
professionalism wormhole: dash
speech wormhole: a crack of lightning / in the dark of night
talking wormhole: “Darling” – poewieview #28
value-led education wormhole: Totnes
values wormhole: Dear Sir/Madam,

 

my life / of others

Tags

2012, Allen Ginsberg, allowing, America, awkward, being, bittersweet, breathing, community, decades, desert, doing, echo, eyes, family, fog, giving, gravity, horizon, identity, inclusion, ink, life, lifetimes, listening, loneliness, love, management, marble, mauve, meaning, others, planet, pointlessness, purpose, radiation, relationship, secret, silence, sitting, society, talking to myself, time, twilight

 

y’know; sometimes you’ve just got to have a rambling, indulgent, pig-headed, why-is-no-one-listening-to-me, pathetic, awkward (don’t forget the ‘awkward’), poor-me whiiine to realise just how rambling, indulgent, pig-headed, why-is-no-one-listening-to-me-ie, pathetic, and awkward you can be; sigh – but there’s still some poetry in it, so I’ll share the self-pity about (caution: this is quite a high-pitched whiiine; it is strongly urged that you wear ear-protection – or at least stick your fingers in your ear reciting la-la-la – if you undertake to read this; you have been warned)

 

 

                my life
                                of others

                                how long has this been going on
                how long this has been going on

demands in their eyes pull me to them like a planet
                pull on me to contain them
                                pull deep in me through the latest casual orbit

                                I give because I can
                learnt silently over decades
                                              I have lived to allow ever wider
                                in order to include
                                              to neutralise my gravity in order to listen
                and let them breathe enough
                                              to find their own solution –
decades of leaning a hundred awkward ways
                                              to be with others
                                decades of privately finding ways
                to re-collect my own gravity –
                                                              shiny marbles with petrified ink –
                                              and decades having to let them go
                                                              one by one
                                              tearfully
                                eventually

                                              all under the great broad horizon
                                lost before the hills on the great broad horizon
                the beautiful-twilight mauve desert
                                              and the radiation presence of another close planet they
                cannot do the same for me
                                                              they will not do the same for me:

                                the squalls and foreclosures,
                                              they are of my own making
                an audience extends only so far as to conclude that it is all my own awkwardness – all I have to do is fit –
                                              before I have even finished explaining
                usually I don’t bother to finish
                                or even start
                                              the solution is ready-made
                                                              (with a few ‘hmm’s to make it look kindly)
                or just kept to themself
                                echoing loudly behind their eyes

                                              like sharing secrets with the fog
                                                              I find myself alone
                each one of them was the last person I could turn to in the world
                                but they all uncannily agree with each other
                                              they are the Company Man

                                I have done my bit for the family
                                I have done my bit for the team
                                I have done my bit for the community
                                                              all by not being there
                                              all by not getting in the way
                I cried when I was acknowledged once
                                                                                 it never happened again

                                I suppose
                                it’s just
                                              they need to keep from shattering in a thousand pieces
                they need to hold the whole damn thing together
so I give because I can
                                because it is right
                                                              but cannot expect return
                                                              they cannot give
                                                              what they expect
                                                              in return
                                for sure things are done things may be organised
                                                              (sometimes even when I want them)
                                              but for some greater good
                                                              for some greater career
                                                              for some greater legacy
                                                                                 not mine
                                              certainly not mine (‘America I have given you all
                                                              and now I am nothing’)

                                              when I work it is all about them
                when I stop it is all about how they performed
                                all that I do and don’t do
                                              is how it sits as support or burden
                                                              to them
                                conclusion: it is only them who do the work
                                              the thinking the organising
                                                              I seem to do nothing
                                                              really
                and do it annoyingly and awkwardly and thinkingly – roll of eyes – I
                                have to be managed to be of any competence
                                              (that’s meant affectionately) I
                                              am just the recipient of their
                                                              good work
                                                              (what do they call them these days – ‘clients’)
                                              my value
                                              my contribution
                                              what I am
                                                              are the price I pay to receive

                so I don’t say anything much – what’s the point?
                                I’ll put a few things out
                                              tentatively
                                (where I might be patronised at best – if I’m lucky,
                                                                                 if the planets are lined up right)
                                                              told it’s cute
                                              or individual
                                or much too clever to understand
                or it’s not what was needed
                                              or sorry, Mark, did you say something
                                                              and the audience will move deftly on
                                to what it wanted to talk about anyway
                or what it wanted to be doing
                                              all along

                                I mostly keep it to myself
                                                              here
                                              in the place I claim
                                              each day – time to myself bittersweet
                                                              (at siege from service and compliance)
                to ‘indulge’ myself ‘stay up too late’ ‘contemplate my navel’
                                                              otherwise I get ‘grumpy’
                                              I talk to
                                              myself
                                                              I am not the Company Man
                                                                                 no one
                                                                                 to share
                                                                                 me with
                no one beyond the managed obliged corporate return
                                              oh yes I return to myself
                                                              find my own meaningpurposeaudiencelove
                                              safe in the fifty year relationship
                                which is good for only one

                                decades whittled away
                                              here and there
                                                              chips and shavings on the floor
                                leaving a petrified face
                eyes wide mouth open
                                              bas-relief out from being

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

Allen Ginsberg & giving wormhole: tag cloud poem VIII – growth
allowing & loneliness wormhole: letters to Mum VI – Years / after you have gone. Still.
being & breathing & sitting wormhole: the art of sit and follow
doing & identity wormhole: my beauty
echo wormhole: library: start where you are IV // all the distance I have travelled!
eyes & time wormhole: ambling around / the garden centre
family wormhole: sometimes
fog homework: tag cloud poem VII – form new freedom:
horizon wormhole: To my Mum
life & love wormhole: I love with all the history and lack of perfections at our command
lifetimes & others & pointlessness & society wormhole: Totnes
listening wormhole: before // writing?
management wormhole: poessay VIII: / educational behaviourism
mauve wormhole: ‘green post …’
meaning & talking to myself wormhole: the stance of Buscema // qualitatively
twilight wormhole: the four whores of the apocalypse

 

the art of sit and follow

Tags

2013, apple, awareness, being, blue, breathing, ceiling, curtains, distraction, finding, floorboards, following, inclusion, journey, mind, self-love, sitting, sound, table, waiting, words, writing

 

 

 

                                              the art of sit and follow

                                when sitting I’ll fail
                                a hundred times from
                                echoes and wonderings
                                that arrest my only true and being
                                until I notice them
                                all with parental eye
                                and slightly more widened arm
                                enough to find me
                                sitting again with
                                thicker flavour and
                                colourful sprinkling
                                of a kind of love

                                with writing
                I may start with the sweet word
                and follow the phrase like an acolyte
                until I fail
                and I will look at the pen-poise
                and breathe the hesitancy
                and let continue gibbering with whatever leaps a-scaling
                to the judder of fridge
                                          freeze stopped
                                only then to notice the flow of the floorboards follow the beam of ceiling
                until I have found                                                                         fall of curtain
                what I was writing for                                                                             edge of table
                                surprised
                                journeyed
                                and aside
                from where I thought I was heading
                                but fresh as a blue apple

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

awareness & sitting wormhole: ambling around / the garden centre
being & breathing & waiting & writing wormhole: before // writing?
blue wormhole: mass
curtains wormhole: oh,
mind wormhole: hot chocolate
sound & table wormhole: library: start where you are IV // all the distance I have travelled!
words wormhole: time proceeds

 

gently straighten

Tags

2013, 4*, attention, awareness, being, distraction, inclusion, living, posture, realisation, settling, sitting

 

 

 

                           even when
                      I fail to observe I have been on whole excursions from
                           just sitting

                           the realisation
                      should be wide and inclusive as I gently straighten
                           my posture

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

attention & being wormhole: living mystery / murder theatre
awareness wormhole: un … able
living wormhole: step
posture wormhole: “out of step is useful because / that means you get to notice / what others have missed; out / of line is no use to anyone”
realisation & sitting wormhole: I am a solid block of stone
settling wormhole: re lax // me

 

just saying, is all – III

Tags

2012, 2014, 3*, accountability, achievement, assessment for learning, career, CPD, dialogue, education, funding, GCSE, inclusion, intervention, love, measure, National Curriculum, nurture, outcome-led education, planning, politics, process, professionalism, public service cuts, pupils, results-led education, school, slogans, statistics, subjects, targets, teachers, teaching, vocation

 

 

 

                                                                                    just saying, is all – III

                                              I watched the first generation of pupils sit their GCSEs

                                              then I watched the National Curriculum
                                find a gear
                and crunch-jerk launch the level system of attainment
                                across all the subjects
                                              then I watched the whole dialogue –
                political and educational
                                and the funding that went with it –
                                              shift from process and nurture
                to outcomes and statistics

                                and then I felt the reform of teaching professionalism
                and watched the proliferation
of endless sheets of planning, four – part lessons, Assessment for Learning, Ready for Learning, Every Child Matters, Inclusion, Continuing Professional Development, targetting, intervention, Boulders into Pebbles, Investors in People, accountability, Achieving Together, Be a Part of It, G₂O                      
                                the unforgettable 2 As & 2 Bs
                the Freedom to All Think Along the Same Lines (glorious times)
(and I’m really looking forward to the innovative work to be launched soon by Professor Cobbly from the prestigious University of Fisc’ut, Corporateshire, (not least of all because he happens to be my uncle))

                                              and all the while
                                those who work hard achieve well
                                              in the wash
                those who don’t don’t whether they are intelligent or not
                                if they are going to be angry or lazy
                they will find a way to be so
                                              whether you teach them to their very marrow
                                or just let them alone

                                              most teachers
                                just get through their career
                all of them measured to within an inch of their vocation
                                some keep their love
                                some make a difference
                                              sometimes
                                when no one is … measuring

                                              all kids
                                just get through school
                                most kids do OK
                                some kids thrive

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

career wormhole: tag cloud poem IV – C
education & results-led education wormhole: poessay VIII: / educational behaviourism
love wormhole: plethora: the Dark Knight Strikes Again (2002)
politics wormhole: my life is not your market
professionalism wormhole: the Lamp
teaching wormhole: which is worse

 

how hard / to meditate

Tags

'scape, 2012, 4*, blue, garden, green, grey, inclusion, meditation, rooftops, sky, trees, yellow

 

 

 

                                     how hard
                                     to meditate

                                     the sky
                                high over the trees
                                the antennae the roofs
                                the shrubs the gardens

                                     grey
                                     blue
                                     citrine

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

blue & trees wormhole: clouds
garden wormhole: new garden
green & rooftops wormhole: Infantino world
grey wormhole: only
meditation wormhole: it is knowing what to drop once / everything has been collected together / that makes everything fit
sky wormhole: point of realisation
yellow wormhole: King of the World

 

poessay V: // writing / as practice while / writing

Tags

2012, 8*, acceptance, awareness, block, breathing, distraction, growth, identity, inclusion, lifetimes, metaphor, poessay, sitting, time, vindication, writing

 

 

 

                                              poessay V:

                                              writing
                                   as practice while
                                      writing

          I cannot always find
                      the Right Moment to write
          I cannot always find
                      the groove enough to breathe
          usually because I am not awareing
                      something within me
                      circulating as if blood of its own
                      while I am still chasing
                                   some dream of vindication

          just sitting has taught me so far
                      that it is difficult to just sit
                      because of the whole chapters
                      of backstory and echo
                      that stain the mind blind
                      of the most infant awareness of being
          and the practice of just sitting
                      is to antidote the stain
                      by saturating the awareness
                      through each and every chapter paragraph
                                   word letter and breath

          when stuck in writing –
                      pen poised stare off pick head
                      until I manually bring my pen
                                   back onto line –
          instead I should aware the vagueries as they occur
                      and widen my writing to include them
                      and thereby resolve them
                                   as I write …

                      there
          after the last ‘write’        (… no, no that would be too obvious …)
                      I spent a whole career
                      with the litany of hurt
                      in long scrolls of account
                                   so far away
                      from what I was writing
                      so intent on the vindication
                      that I didn’t see it build up
                      until it burst into the room
                      and took my ink away
          if I was alert I would have included it with wide metaphor
                      to become the point I was making
                      or rather widened the point
                      to include the true intent that I
                      hadn’t yet fully realised

          writing words in their succession
          is like being aware while sitting
                                   in that
          the words widen to include the vagueries as the awareness does too
          but neither the awareness nor the writing
                                   go with
                                   the vagueries
                      they just watch them

                      in both practices
          I need to let go the investment and desperation
          of my tin-pot identities and insistences
          and fling my arms wide to embrace them all
                      each and every one

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

acceptance & lifetimes wormhole: slipstream
awareness & breathing wormholes: on holiday
[writer’s] block & vindication wormholes: the writing’s / on the wall
identity wormhole: now
poessay wormhole: poessay IV
sitting wormhole: ‘I am a secret / superhero …’
time wormhole: Sunday
vindication & writing wormhole: the writing’s / on the wall

 

the / Four Noble Truths / on a train

Tags

2012, 8*, awareness, being, doing, Eglinton Hill, Four Noble Truths, growth, identity, inclusion, talking to myself, train

 

 

 

                                                          the
                                   Four Noble Truths
                                        on a train

 

                                   I

                      when I have the chair
                      when I have the ear
                      when I have the comment
                      the rush of relief
                      is giddy the dreams of
                      glory obscene and
                      then I over-explain
                      and over-give and
                      over-control and
                      put them all off
                      with a sudden wilt
                      anyway

                      when the chair overlooks
                      when the ear listens to itself
                      when the comment expects
                      the fossil of defeat is buried deep
                      the sideline of gaze is cornered
                      and I plan and I search and
                      I communicate like a
                      rogue spy and put others
                      out of their safe protocol
                      so that they don’t want to listen
                      anyway

                                   II

                      either self-asserted
                      despite others’ notice
                      and easily over-reaching
                      or easily exposed
                      and deflated like a
                      large rubbery fart

                      the eight year old
                      wandering the
                      stairwells and landings
                      looking for Daddy

                                   III

                      don’t over-relief and preen
                      when noticed don’t lose
                      everything when ignored …

                      how?

                      stand slightly back and to one side
                      with slight smile
                      when over vindicating
                      when leaking despair
                      and allow that I over
                      and allow that I leak
                      like walking a dog

                                   IV

                      so my train slows to stop and
                      the train on the track beside
                      is accelerating off the other way
                      am I still going or stopped yet?

                      stay in your seat
                      undeclared

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

awareness wormhole: ‘I should never want for something to write …’
being & doing wormhole: block
Eglinton Hill wormhole: wakey wakey / time to get up
identity wormhole: There Will Be Blood (2007)
talking to myself wormhole: uncompletely
train wormhole: dyuhwanner textum

 

‘a poet …’

Tags

2011, 4*, inclusion, poetry, space, writing

 

 

 

                                                              a poet
                                                      opens up spaces

                                                      you don’t notice spaces
                                                              so much

                                                      as you move into them
                                                              whether

                                                      you read the words
                                                      that opened them

                                                              or not

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

poetry & writing wormhole: ‘every once in a while …’
space wormhole: Daredevil: Born Again (1987)