what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie

Tags

2012, anxiety, career, education, identity, managerialism, offer, practice, time, truth

 

 

 

                           what I am about to say is true
                           what I just said was a lie

                           when you spent
                           eleven years being
                           too busy deciding and
                           leading my career
                           to consider what
                           I had offered
                           even while you
                           were asking of me
                           what I had to offer
                           you created an
                           anxiety in my
                           practice which
                           couldn’t be resolved
                           unless I ignored myself

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

anxiety wormhole: David Bowie – Iris
career wormhole: dream career // groggy
education & time wormhole: the ancient tree
identity wormhole: 1964
managerialism wormhole: dear clown’s face
practice wormhole: because

 

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what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie

Tags

2012, anxiety, career, CPD, identity, managerialism, offer, performance, performance management, Principal, professional development, results-led education, stress, teaching, time

 

 

 

                      what I am about to say is true
                      what I just said was a lie

                      when you spent
                      eleven years being
                      too busy deciding and
                      leading my career
                      to consider what
                      I had offered
                      even while you
                      were asking of me
                      what I had to offer
                      you created an
                      anxiety in my
                      practice which
                      couldn’t be resolved
                      unless I ignored myself

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

anxiety wormhole: on
career wormhole: just saying, is all – III
identity wormhole: silent crash // … / after all
managerialism wormhole: my life is not your market
performance management wormhole: the Lamp
results-led education wormhole: something simple to offer
teaching wormhole: fractured –
time wormhole: deepening with each step

 

vagued

Tags

2012, 2013, 2014, beauty, beguiled, being, biography, childhood, colour, communication, covert, emergence, eyes, identity, landscape, life, naïveté, offer, others, prophecy, role, thought, time, treasure, vague, work

 

 

 

                                vagued when young
                and beguiled by sudden colour all beautiful but the treasure
                                              I never knew
                                              I had

                                I emerged myself
                through the vague I buffed up the sudden-colour unsure
                                              as I defined myself bas-
                                              relief to my work

                                and role – maybe
                I can reveal a treasure maybe this is what I am destined to do –
                                              but they didn’t see it
                                              so I kept it to myself

                                I made the call
                there was no response eleven years twenty five years forty
                                              five years
                                              long

                                a long time
                I have kept all my wonder secret within my eyes / it seeps out at times / exposed but not expressed / still vague still unsure no platform / I cannot lead I cannot prophesy … just / let it be found                      
                                              (it is never found)
                                              (it is sometimes tripped over) … fine

                                but then hubris
                I thought I could – and I did – and I hung all my being on it – the turning point of my biography –
                                              and the bleak landscape
                                              I have found hard to bear

                                I am
                better placed / and better identified / being covert
                                              and not think
                                              I could ever part the seas

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

beauty wormhole: you are in uniform
being wormhole: achieving good-enough living
childhood & emergence & life wormhole: what to do
communication & identity wormhole: plethora: the Dark Knight Strikes Again (2002)
eyes wormhole: gazing at the night / as my eyes passed the jagged hole / my head disappeared
naïveté wormhole: (Little by Little)
others wormhole: the sounds the difficulty and the long long strands of liquorice
thought wormhole: which is worse
time wormhole: prologue
work wormhole: dream / 301197 // home

 

in verse / question / m a r k ?

Tags

2012, 4*, being, doing, identity, life, mauve, mirror, offer, olive, samsara, settling, slogans, society, voices, world

 

 

 

                                                                                    in  verse
                                                                                    question
                                                                                    m a r k ?

when I try to make my play I am wronged even while I am preparing while the
whole world shuffles and shifts slightly uncomfortable (although bravely
facing up to the gloopy mauve-olive snot of ‘we’re all in this
together’) while easing my offer carefully to one
side I am rendered ‘by the way’ and always
find myself on the other side of ‘how
things are’ ‘just one of those things’
‘how things are done’ ‘things have
changed’ I will never play my make
I have tried to make it play for all my
wilful life strung along by ‘maybe this time’
but only gathering ‘it’s not what we need’ to my
identity face it, boy, I will never be needed and I’ll never
find the party I should be where I am and not try to make the play
where each attempt mirrors me back fractured.   I should dwell apart whole …

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being & settling wormhole: tired
doing wormhole: practising
identity wormhole: and
life wormhole: update
mauve wormhole: Infantino world
mirror & olive wormhole: … still waving!
samsara wormhole: Have what, now?
society wormhole: Child of Illusion
voices wormhole: only
world wormhole: across the room / through the patio doors / through the conservatory windows / at the bottom of the garden / the still bifurcated trunk of / the oak / before the let-grown hair and fringes / of the fir tree / blown every lifetime in a while by the winter sun // actually

 

brilliance

Tags

2011, 4*, dedication, doing, giving, offer, recognition

 

 

 

                                          if I could offer
                                          brilliance

                                          without the weight
                                          of recognition

                                          what a bright
                                          light gift

                                          that would be
                                          to the world

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–
dedication & giving wormhole: dedication / prayer
doing wormhole: the / pyrrhic / play
recognition wormhole: preee- / senting // en- / senting

 

who

Tags

2011, 3*, managerialism, offer, speech, teaching

 

 

 

                                   who

                      gave you the right to dismiss
                      and turn the other way
                      too busy with a bigger picture
                                – eyes on some horizon never
                                 focussed even when smiling –
                      because if I didn’t give it
                      it must have been taken?

 

                      maybe you thought
                      my offer was my right

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

managerialism wormhole: dry rot
speech wormhole: wrong
teaching wormhole: warp and weft