tragic and archival

Tags

'scape, 2013, 4*, driving, history, months, moving, practice, progress, sitting, time, tragedy, travelling, years

                      so

                      after months,
                      even years

                      of sitting
                      and feeling

                      I have achieved
                      some coagulation

                      set and
                      solid-enough

                      to make along
                      a country road

                      I can still
                      get caught

                      by the ‘tut’
                      to a wrong turn

                      tragic and archival
                      which takes

                      the best part
                      of fifty miles

                      and a change
                      of scene to

                      stand down
                      and move on

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

history wormhole: wakeoutofadream
sitting wormhole: I keep / waiting to be discovered and get lost in anticipation
time wormhole: time
travelling wormhole: written relief to / creeping anaesthesia / through palimpsest / and crankled page
years wormhole: 1968

 

where it has taken birth / may it not decrease …

Tags

2017, 7*, austerity, being, Bodhisattvacharyavatara, conscience, conscientiousness, death, doing, effort, fall, gravity, illusion, inspiration, karma, Lucifer, mind, now, practice, self-cherishing, Shantideva, superhero, talking to myself, time, virtue

                where it has taken birth
                may it not decrease … there are

                tiny filaments here and there
                from time to time
                connecting the flexing muscle
                further corridors within the firing mind

                it’s not a whole package
                nicely taped up in cardboard
                and delivered with a smile, a signature
                and a how-might-I-do-better survey

                it … won’t happen like that;
                here’s where if anywhere
                the austerity takes place
                here’s where if anywhere I develop

                gaunt lines of virtue
                in my cheek, after the inspiration
                has gone:
                just keep on keeping on; if I try super-heroically –

                ag-grandiosely – there is nothing
                to let ‘not decrease’,
                if it does not burn it is not fire;
                I am either serious or not

                and if not, I should;
                go back
                calm down and create new filaments
                quietly and accordingly

                anything ethical
                should be conducted … only,
                not become an eater of conscience
                like Lucifer’s hapless fool

                simply bargaining
                with illusion is the loss of its finding … out,
                the gravity of the flailing fall
                exponential

                to each and every action
                where it will take a long time to gain ground; death
                affords time to practise
                now, all the time now, not

                later, not I-did-have-it-but-
                now-I’ve-lost-it … NOW

 

right-angled out of chapter IV of Shantideva’s Bodhisattvacharyavatara … or in

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being & doing & talking to myself wormhole: six paramitas
death wormhole: ‘never look up’?
mind wormhole: moment
practice wormhole: just saying, is all VI: // accountable / for my own outbreath / …
superhero wormhole: passersby
time wormhole: the bench

 

just saying, is all VI: // accountable / for my own outbreath / …

Tags

2013, 2016, 6*, accountability, air, breathing, broken, career, dialectic, encounter, experience, fantasy, oxymoronic, pavement, practice, Principal, recognition, results-led education, sidelined, skill, slogans, staring, talking, teaching, time, voices, words

                just saying, is all VI

                agh; the Principal
                walking this way
                can’t avoid it have
                to talk to him; ‘how

                ARE you?’; and to
                my reclacitrant ‘OK’
                he tells me my
                experience and skill

                count for a lot and
                I walk away staring
                at the edge of the
                pavement trying to

                fit the words to
                decades of sideline;
                why didn’t I just
                scream in his face

                that his word and
                his breathing are
                oxymoronic to each
                other as I so often

                fantasise doing; but
                I am broken by this
                place in which these
                OK-spores are air,

                I have no leverage
                of dialectic from
                which to speak, so
                easy to evade my lob

                and practice by
                referring the Briefings:
                ‘a little precious’, ‘not
                a team player’, ‘ask him

                about his children’,
                ‘doesn’t affect results’,
                ‘doesn’t make sense’;
                smile and shift-agenda,

                endear by using his
                own name, slip in a
                Slogan and, there,
                a free and frank

                exchange which
                has left me accountable
                for my own outbreath
                …

 

as of September 2016 I am retired early from teaching – without prejudice – because I could no longer find any more inbreaths to keep practising; the encounter happened about three years previously, the humanomanagerialasphyxia virus took hold about 2001 beginning an odyssey with no resolve; now I teach myself to breathe again by embracing … no resolve; the next ‘just saying, is all’ will be about life inside the plastic bag over my head, I know it, I’ve written in, I’ve breathed it

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

air & teaching wormhole: this aching // and spacious dichotomy
breathing wormhole: sleep now
career wormhole: travel
practice & time wormhole: interim
recognition wormhole: happen//ing
results-led education wormhole: teached / in the ass
talking wormhole: familiasyncopation
voices wormhole: did I get old?
words wormhole: Prajnaparamita // Maitreya

 

interim

Tags

2015, 4*, attention, haiku, living, practice, renewal, time

                                                interim

                                                        there is always time
                                                after the meander is noticed
                                        to renew

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

attention wormhole: returning home handsome
haiku[esque] wormhole: ‘field of corn …’
living wormhole: matter
practice wormhole: let it all go
time wormhole: still

 

let it all go

Tags

2011, 5*, abstract, centrifugal, centripetal, habit, identity, illusion, interdependent origination, letting go, looking, pointlessness, practice, talking to myself, world

                                              strong habit
                                abstracting
                from a pointless world

                                              me versus the world
                                whenever it solidifies
                centripetal to my centrifugal

                                I should let it all go

                                              by looking
                                where I am
                geographically

                                              emotionally
                                completely
                cleanly

                                              once again
                                hundreds of times
                all the time, and

                                              emerge
                                from it and
                watch myself

                                              and the world
                                spring up
                like illusion

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

identity & looking wormhole: AT-tennnnnnnn – waitfrit waitfrit – SHUN!
letting go wormhole: trying to focus / on walking
pointlessness wormhole: hello, luvvey, do you want a cup of tea?
practice wormhole: substance
talking to myself wormhole: happen//ing
world wormhole: travel

 

substance

Tags

2015, 4*, being, creativity, fiction, format, looking, meaning, practice, searching, sitting, substance, words, writing

 

 

 

                found a source to
                practise a format
                and didn’t write
                for months

                lost the need to
                find the words
                to enquire where
                I could not see

                and found there
                was little to say;
                I’ve nothing to
                write once I realise

                there is nothing
                to say that wasn’t
                fictional looking
                for substance and

                there is no sub
                stance other than
                what I say in search
                of substance

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being & words wormhole: The Boats of Vallisneria by Michael J. Redford – A Precious Moment
creativity wormhole: listen willya
looking wormhole: the policies came to nothing
meaning wormhole: the both passive and transitive / non-presumptive pre-conceptualist attenuation of being
practice wormhole: zero
searching wormhole: constant hummm
sitting wormhole: The Boats of Vallesneria by Michael J. Redford – Autumn Thoughts
writing wormhole: inbreath

 

zero

Tags

2010, alchemist, being, burden, doing, ideas, identity, letting go, practice, rishi, significance, sitting, sublime, superhero, talking to myself, wisdom, zero

 

 

 

                                                                                      I think I am zero
                                                                         when I do nothing
                                                              so I do things
                                                              like a Superhero
                                                                         like an Alchemist
                                                                                      like a Rishi but

                                                              I am ever-only and
                                                                         going-to-be an
                                                              Occasional Good Idea
                                                                         a Jumpy Quest after Sublime;

                                                cast it all adrift and
                                                let it sink –

                                                this Mark Redford
                                                that I do is such a
                                                burden –

                                I am significant
                                wise and right

                                                because

                                I am zero

                I am Fine
                As I Am

                                Occasionally

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being & identity & superhero wormhole: balancing // with a whole lot of deft
doing & practice wormhole: diligence
letting go wormhole: Jericho
sitting & talking to myself wormhole: bloogying

 

diligence

Tags

2013, being, discernment, doing, earth, flower, garden, gardening, growth, habit, life, practice, talking to myself, writing

 

 

 

                      can so easily lose the habit
                      of writing anything at all, even
                      of no significance; easy to

                      develop a discerning nose for
                      the finer things of life, that I would
                      end up with dry hard earth to show

                      for all my obsessive weeding rather
                      than the diligence of practice which
                      grows fit to flower when it will

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being & life & practice wormhole: Jericho
doing & writing wormhole: the both passive and transitive / non-presumptive pre-conceptualist attenuation of being
garden wormhole: work
talking to myself wormhole: the writing’s on the wall

 

Jericho

Tags

2011, being, defining, emptiness, groundlessness, Have, identity, letting go, life, living, non-doing, play, pointlessness, practice, quiet, realisation, reality, relaxing, seeing, sitting, walls

 

 

 

                                Jericho

                                pointless
                everything is pointless
                                I can see it
                everywhere like a needless wall

                                I don’t chose to
                it just seeps through everything
                                quietly
                makes me feel dank;
                                makes me crumble
                just when I thought I was getting footing

                never anything I can feel good about nothing
                                by which
                I can define myself
                                nothing
                I can’t see through
                                nothing that won’t show me up

                                this is my reality:
                no intrinsic reality
                                to play to, to play in;
                this is my reality

                                this is me; I
                should exploit it fully by not hoping
                                that here
                is where I can find myself at last

                                the point is
                that there is no point
                                to HAVE

                                the struggle
                is in worrying that the point
                                cannot be found

                                the salvation is
                in the relaxing with there being
                                no point

                                really
                really and truly there is nothing
                                to do

                                but to sit
                still in the reality of there being
                                no point

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being & emptiness & life & pointlessness & sitting wormhole: the both passive and transitive / non-presumptive pre-conceptualist attenuation of being
groundlessness & letting go & seeing & walls wormhole: the writing’s on the wall
Have wormhole: B le tch l ey P ark
identity wormhole: aghh – we’ve been infected / it’s spreading through the system / we’re losing our files … / it’s taken out the processor … / I, I can’t open with this program anymore … / it’s scanning me – / I’ve got to buy a Virus Protection Program / from it …
living & realisation wormhole: Michael Redford: triptych
play wormhole: teached / in the ass
practice wormhole: what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie
reality wormhole: Doctor Strange I – the trashcan tilted the better to see now the street

 

what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie

Tags

2012, anxiety, career, education, identity, managerialism, offer, practice, time, truth

 

 

 

                           what I am about to say is true
                           what I just said was a lie

                           when you spent
                           eleven years being
                           too busy deciding and
                           leading my career
                           to consider what
                           I had offered
                           even while you
                           were asking of me
                           what I had to offer
                           you created an
                           anxiety in my
                           practice which
                           couldn’t be resolved
                           unless I ignored myself

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

anxiety wormhole: David Bowie – Iris
career wormhole: dream career // groggy
education & time wormhole: the ancient tree
identity wormhole: 1964
managerialism wormhole: dear clown’s face
practice wormhole: because