Tags
2012, anger, breakdown, broken, care, career, creation, culture, decision, disregard, giving, growth, illness, management, managerialism, resentment, speech, survival, teaching, thought, work
dry rot
still
resentment sets in
I go to work anyway
but the resentment is always there
I create resources I mark books
I teach lessons
but the resentment is always there
I do my fucking duty
I do an extra parent’s evening
but the resentment is always there
some manager asks how I am
I tell them I survive
(but I don’t tell them
I don’t thrive –
`not quick enough)
but the resentment is always there
I offered my thought
my creation
my care
because I nurtured growth
I cultured way
I wanted to give
AND YOU PAUSED
IN YOUR BUSY-NESS AND PRESSURE
JUST LONG ENOUGH TO GET ON
WITH YOUR BUSINESS AND PRESSURE TO COMPENSATE THE OH, SO, ANXIETY OF
MAKING THOSE TOUGH DECISIONS FOR THE SAKE OF PROGRESS (PROFIT?)
TO OVERLOOK
what I continue to think
what is still on the table
unopened
but which has lost the will
to project anymore
you
make
me
sick
you made me sick
you created a sick teacher
even while I attend each day
for the sake of absence management
even while I create and mark
for the sake of growth
even while I sit through a meeting
which dribbles on about ‘good to outstanding’ until it is running down your neck
still the resentment is always there
sticky invisible and malignant
I know: we’ve heard it all before; just indulge this little toddler for a little while longer, will you; it has only slightly altered since I wrote it a good four years ago, like being in a boat on the sea, buffeted and brûlée’d, looking for where the sky becomes screen and the prow rips through it (c’mon, film buffs, what am I talking about?)
————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–
breakdown & management wormhole: Dear Sir/Madam,
career wormhole: need
giving wormhole: tong len / the inauguration of another – timely – butter fly effect / taking and giving
managerialism wormhole: what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie
speech wormhole: fine
teaching wormhole: aghh – we’ve been infected / it’s spreading through the system / we’re losing our files … / it’s taken out the processor … / I, I can’t open with this program anymore … / it’s scanning me – / I’ve got to buy a Virus Protection Program / from it …
thought wormhole: the both passive and transitive / non-presumptive pre-conceptualist attenuation of being
work wormhole: work
