wakey wakey
time to get up
I
I left my eight year old
in Eglinton Hill*
he wandered the rooms
looking for Daddy
he wasn’t ready to leave
when we all left
‘I’m sure he’s here somewhere …
didn’t see him … look again’
I looked for meaning instead
in Genesta Road**
while he gazed sideways
into rooms
‘Mum found me wandering one night
I stayed and watched tv with her’
up late at night finding possibility
after lifetime finding thought
I roamed superhero worlds
and wore superhero stances
against the invisible enemy
wherever he appeared
I found new superpowers
distilled from the immediate
music poetry art religion
ingenious hope to salve the day
but my battles never happened
my victories never came
the whale continued gliding past
‘… maybe look upstairs again’
my face was always masked
my self was never found
I was haunted by an eight year old
and Eglinton Hill
go back home and find him
take him by the hand
c’mon boy let’s go outside
show me what you found
II
when moments are bland
I sit in the dark
and look to find
what everyone has missed
when I abstract out
I can trip and skip
with a hundred ideas
that hang together
so well
they ‘get’ the world
more than ‘being’ the world
I prefer them
they take me on a groove
they weave me in a tapestry
always slightly aslant
always slightly after
but never where I am
averse to where I am
nothing bad nothing evil
nothingness
these take-me-aways
these dark glowing colours
these resolved phrasings
building the relief
of a Perfect Human Rebirth
before Death takes it away
before Habit seals it in amber
before Fame echoes away
this emptiness of my life
was it produced by my lives
or is it the breath I have held
for too long
III
and here I sit in meditation
with thoughts like Woodstock
proliferating
everywhere
IV
dream 240606
back at the Priory***
moved on in twenty years
still lots of people
large open rooms
pass Geshe-la**** in the corridor
we exchange ‘hallo’ we recognise each other nothing awkward
he is in robes
but as I turn to look back
he is in tweeds and looking for something
he is involved in something else
I am in a room
there is menace danger
a demon
a sort of old god appears in the room
it is short but finely built an air of power
with a stone mask over its face
and a stone club stood on the floor
hands resting on it relaxed
he is looking at me
slightly sideways
I am going to have to face it
here in the room
we engage in a Captain Kirk-type battle
I am on top
and I am hitting the demon repeatedly
in the face
it is a girl’s face
as I hit the demon it loses its appearance
and becomes a girl
when I have beaten the demon out
I cradle the girl
I love her
I have saved her
I pick her up
I will heal her
I will care for her
gently
______________________________________________________
* In 1961 my brother was born, in 1962 my grandmother lost her husband, in 1963 we all moved into a house on Eglinton Hill.
** When I was eight my father just left the family and left my mother and grandmother to bring us up. In 1971 we moved to a smaller house in Genesta Road
*** Priory – Conishead Priory, known as Manjushri Institute, in Cumbria on the shores of Morecambe Bay. A Buddhist college; lived there 1983-1984.
**** Geshe-la – affectionate honorific used for the teacher, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. I moved from the Priory to begin my career twenty years previous to this dream.
————w(O)rmholes________________________________|—–
acceptance wormhole: I didn’t see it coming
breathing wormhole: becoming old
divorce wormhole: Grandad / Redford
dream wormhole: Dr Strange #6-13
childhood wormhole: “bring in as many / different kinds of leaf / as you can find”
Eglinton Hill wormhole: from my childhood
Genesta Road wormhole: 1976
identity wormhole: mirror
lifetimes wormhole: brave new world?
love wormhole: what …
meditation wormhole: … I think that / just about wraps / things up
Mum wormhole: oh
muse wormhole: silence
night wormhole: only
speech wormhole: ”whatdoyouwantmylove…’ on the train …’
stone wormhole: there
superhero wormhole: Woolwich Central – / making life better II
tv wormhole: 1969
superpower wormhole: and no one would know
