dream I // dream II

Tags

2014, 3*, arrival, blue, experience, explanation, giving, hill, identity, looking, people, poem, reflection, retirement, school, tarmac, teaching, time, town, waking, windows

          dream I

    I had to get to school
    from the college halls
    in a town I didn’t know
    or what I was doing there

    I was already late
    but making my way
    past blue window reflections
    on honeycomb tarmac

    I realised I was going the
    wrong way up a hill people looking
    at me in my teacher’s clothes they
    knew the school is not here

    I am in an area I do not know
    so I go back down the hill
    trying to show that I know
    what I am doing I can see

    the whole town spread out
    like a city the different areas
    the school is there somewhere
    and I need to get myself there

and yet woken up now I’m not so sure I do

          dream II

    my chance to teach
    I explain everything

with little clever phrases like poems
    but each time

    I have to explain yet further
    taking hours, not

    holding them I gave of my
    of my own experience but it wasn’t

    theirs, they started leaving
    before I could conclude

retired now I’m not sure I ever arrived

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

blue wormhole: pass and / fro
giving wormhole: six paramitas
identity wormhole: I keep / waiting to be discovered and get lost in anticipation
looking wormhole: over-pink cagoule
people wormhole: memorial
retirement wormhole: Virginia
school wormhole: step
teaching wormhole: make your rickety / constructs strong with / unbending grids / of attention and wide- / open grates of let
time wormhole: tragic and archival
windows wormhole: windows // and balconies

 

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six paramitas

Tags

2017, adjustment, aspiring Bodhichitta, being, doing, eyebrow, feet, giving, identity, joy, Mahayana, morality, patience, sand, seeing, settling, shoulders, sitting, skin, smile, talking to myself, the Six Perfections, true nature, wisdom

six paramitas

give, Mark, like you are peeling and cutting off the
scaley skin that cloys around you obscuring your

pure light; be cool, Mark, shelter from the spikes and
eyes of provocation, the winning curl of enticement;

endure, Mark, and face the walls with due measure
and renewed adjustment across a noble brow; nurture,

Mark, a modest smirk: you have the time to do this
all even when busy; return, Mark, to a settled release,

hung from the point between your shoulders like a
perfect coat-hanger; be, Mark, the eye wide shut,

that sees the further shore is in the very sand you
squelch between your feet, sinking lower into pudding

 

these emerged from the section of Gems of Dharma, Jewels of Freedom by Je Gampopa introducing the Six Perfections: delving into etymology reveals facets and perspectives like walking around a display case at a museum and really having a good look at something fascinating; and then I thought, c’mon, Mark, `about time you started standing on your own two feet; so, I sat down to do so

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being wormhole: singsong chant
doing & seeing wormhole: may the supreme and precious jewel bodhichitta … // … take birth where it has not yet done so … // … where it has taken birth may it not decrease … // … but may it increase infinitely
feet wormhole: sleep now
giving wormhole: my seat // now
identity & talking to myself wormhole: holiday
settling wormhole: moment
sitting wormhole: the bench
smile wormhole: Open – All – Ours

 

my seat // now

Tags

2016, 4*, balance, cafe, cars, contentment, doing, giving, grey, hair, Have, identity, joy, listening, mauve, others, Oxfam, patience, pink, red, seat, self-compassion, sitting, sound, speech, talking, vista, walking

                I lost my seat of joy
                in giving, I might have had it yesterday,
                but today I find myself
                gilled by her pink coat to do
                all the talking and irritated by
                the loud-enough heels to do all the walking

                I lost my seat of vista
                when stopping, I might have had it yesterday but
                today I cannot stop hearing
                the all-things-considered voice
                out back of the Oxfam shop wondering if dictatorships aren’t what’s needed in the end, I
                have to leave the shop

                I lost my seat of patience
                in getting, I might have had it yesterday but today
                I clear-the-throat listening to the too-exhaust-[ed] luxury cars
                revving and braking to leave the NCP

                I lost my seat of balance
                when doing, I might have had it yesterday but today I must listen
                to her hold attention with red-mauved hair
                and one greyed temple talk-clear to her back-turned friend,
                from the other side of the crowded room

                `never had a settled seat to miss, that I remember – `still trying to find that one –
                `never lost my seat and been happy about it, until

now

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

balance wormhole: balancing // with a whole lot of deft
cars & pink wormhole: the policies came to nothing
doing wormhole: The Boats of Vallisneria by Michael J. Redford – A Precious Moment
giving wormhole: dry rot
grey & identity & sound wormhole: Elektra
hair wormhole: tag cloud poem IX – haiku is awkward / the more that is left in / like uncombed hair
Have & listening & speech & talking wormhole: listen willya
mauve wormhole: between thoughts
others wormhole: reaching branch
red wormhole: El Palacio, 1946
sitting wormhole: substance
walking wormhole: Lapping Reflections [Deep Within Waters] by Mark L. Redford – moment

 

dry rot

Tags

2012, anger, breakdown, broken, care, career, creation, culture, decision, disregard, giving, growth, illness, management, managerialism, resentment, speech, survival, teaching, thought, work

 

 

 

                                dry rot

                                still

                resentment sets in
                                I go to work anyway
                but the resentment is always there
                                I create resources I mark books
                                I teach lessons
                but the resentment is always there
                                I do my fucking duty
                                I do an extra parent’s evening
                but the resentment is always there
                                some manager asks how I am
                                I tell them I survive
                                              (but I don’t tell them
                                               I don’t thrive –
                                               `not quick enough)
                but the resentment is always there

                I offered my thought
                               my creation
                               my care
                because I nurtured growth
                              I cultured way
                              I wanted to give

                                AND YOU PAUSED
                IN YOUR BUSY-NESS AND PRESSURE
                JUST LONG ENOUGH TO GET ON
                                WITH YOUR BUSINESS AND PRESSURE TO COMPENSATE THE OH, SO, ANXIETY OF
                                MAKING THOSE TOUGH DECISIONS FOR THE SAKE OF PROGRESS (PROFIT?)
                                TO OVERLOOK

                                what I continue to think
                                what is still on the table
                                              unopened
                                but which has lost the will
                                              to project anymore

                                              you

                                              make

                                              me

                                              sick

                you made me sick
                                you created a sick teacher
                even while I attend each day
                                for the sake of absence management
                even while I create and mark
                                for the sake of growth
                even while I sit through a meeting
                                which dribbles on about ‘good to outstanding’ until it is running down your neck
                still the resentment is always there
                                sticky invisible and malignant

 

I know: we’ve heard it all before; just indulge this little toddler for a little while longer, will you; it has only slightly altered since I wrote it a good four years ago, like being in a boat on the sea, buffeted and brûlée’d, looking for where the sky becomes screen and the prow rips through it (c’mon, film buffs, what am I talking about?)

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

breakdown & management wormhole: Dear Sir/Madam,
career wormhole: need
giving wormhole: tong len / the inauguration of another – timely – butter fly effect / taking and giving
managerialism wormhole: what I am about to say is true / what I just said was a lie
speech wormhole: fine
teaching wormhole: aghh – we’ve been infected / it’s spreading through the system / we’re losing our files … / it’s taken out the processor … / I, I can’t open with this program anymore … / it’s scanning me – / I’ve got to buy a Virus Protection Program / from it …
thought wormhole: the both passive and transitive / non-presumptive pre-conceptualist attenuation of being
work wormhole: work

 

tong len / the inauguration of another – timely – butter fly effect / taking and giving

Tags

2014, awareness, cause and effect, crap, giving, letting go, red, sitting, story, taking, talking to myself, thinking, tonglen, warp, weft, white, world, worth

 

 

 

                                tong len
                the inauguration of another – timely – butter fly effect
                                taking and giving

                                every time I notice
                ‘thinking’, I’ll take the hit and, like a hair out of hot butter,
                                I let it go

                                and another
                complex storyline a-sunders somewhere
                                in the middle

                                some place
                in my world, somehow in the world
                                and even when

                                I don’t notice
                ‘thinking’ and I warp and I weft cold red-edged
                                with hot-white

                                I’ll still know
                I had a crap session, a crap day
                                and the story

                                lines won’t
                quite reach a cliff hanger
                                to be continued

                                I can think
                ‘a good job done’ and let it go, give
                                it out

                                for all its worth and
                                for all it’s worth and
                                for all the worth that is

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

awareness wormhole: b / r / e / a / t / h / i / n / g
compassion wormhole: finding my own true nature – Plumstead, Woolwich, 190915
giving wormhole: teached / in the ass
letting go wormhole: really really
red wormhole: don’t look / at her eyes – poewieview #18
sitting wormhole: Shonagh – poewieview #17
talking to myself wormhole: dear clown’s face
thinking wormhole: really
white wormhole: quick inventory after coffee
world wormhole: just saying, is all IV: // lost

 

teached / in the ass

Tags

2011, cognitive hierarchy, communication, conformity, curriculum, expertise, giving, infrastructure, management, managerialism, money, perception, play, politics, power, powerlessness, Principal, public service cuts, results-led education, seeing, value-bled education

 

 

 

                                          teached
                                          in the ass

                      whatever happened to that
                                public service
                      premised on creating and giving to
                                the ways to let one see
                      that its management ends by saying
                                we cannot all do
                                what we want?

                      whatever happened to that
                                public service
                      that proclaimed its strength of body through
                                pool of expertise
                      that its management ends by saying
                                we have no money
                                to do it?

                      whatever happened to that
                                public service
                      host and guardian of the humble exchange of idea
                                in every classroom
                      that its management ends by saying it’s not that simple
                                we have to jump
                                through hoops?

                      whatever happened to that
                                public service
                      that grew its own high-windowed
                                infrastructure
                      that its management ends by saying
                                it’s just not
                                what was needed?

                      whatever happened to that
                                public service
                      that plots a child’s cognitive development through
                                each and every curriculum
                      that its management ends by saying
                                it’s all about parents’
                                perception?

                      whatever happened to that
                                public service
                      that took the tumblings of a child’s play to measure
                                their trajectory
                      that its management ends by saying
                                does it improve
                                results?

                      whatever happened to that
                                public service
                      that pivots on the craft and poetry of
                                communication
                      that its management ends by saying
                                I am the Principal
                                I can do what I want?

                                          there is no good rejoinder
                                          to this song
                                          there is just no end
                                          to lost

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

communication & management wormhole: the MagOO Effect Effect
giving wormhole: plop!
managerialism wormhole: portrait
money wormhole: 1959 –– MANHATTAN –– 2012
play & results-led education wormhole: the Apple
politics wormhole: … anymore
power wormhole: sit
seeing wormhole: gentle

 

plop!

Tags

1996, giving, listening, love, opening, realisation, relationship, sound

 

 

 

he listened
she realised

plop!

r        i     p   p   l     e        s

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

giving wormhole: de Boeddha // of light
listening wormhole: disappear
love wormhole: left alone
realisation wormhole: recovered
sound wormhole: 08:55

 

de Boeddha // of light

Tags

2014, Amsterdam, being, body, Buddha, compassion, doing, Enlightenment, giving, head, lifetimes, light, sentient beings, silence, time

 

 

 

                                                                                   de Boeddha

                                                     both clean and smooth
                                                     but wears limb and body
                                                     nonchalant and draping
                                                     sheer from head to toe
                                                     all ripples to behold
                                                     and wafting slight and
                                                     silent from time to times
                                                     through naked need

                                     of light

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

being wormhole: Eridge – Cowden
Buddha wormhole: Buddha / Shakyamuni
compassion wormhole: library: start where you are IV // all the distance I have travelled!
doing wormhole: exactly equal
giving wormhole: it is complete
lifetimes & silence & time wormhole: mauve / night
light wormhole: Railway Crossing, c. 1922-23

 

it is complete

Tags

2013, acceptance, beauty, career, doubt, duty, giving, hierarchy, identity, others, talking to myself, tragedy

 

 

 

                it is complete
                I can listen to all the pain
                                all the doubt and all the diminish
                                where the Venn diagrams
                                              overlap rather than merge
                                              convening a local hierarchy
                                                              always inverse to the myriad
                                                              always averse to the area left
                                              uncovered and unknown but
                                              I cannot expect the same from others
                                I can give            and become wide but
                                it will not be reciprocated
                up down or sideways
                and that is my duty

                                (and that is my beauty)
                                but not my tragedy
                                and not my failure

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

acceptance wormhole: nothing // matters
beauty wormhole: my beauty
giving wormhole: truly invisible
identity wormhole: I can say / that I do all sorts of dance
others & talking to myself wormhole: prayer to my self

 

truly invisible

Tags

2013, anatta, anxiety, being, doing, ghosts, giving, identity, invisible, letting go, life, realisation, work

 

 

 

                      in my life I carefully and
                      experimentally crafted
                      a ghost with which to be

                      I long-time realised, out of
                      a fog of anxiety, that ghosts
                      do not exist; it was a nice idea –

                      the invisible liberator – but
                      it was never going to get any
                      purchase; let us quietly celebrate

                      the release of myself from all
                      that rattling and dooing and watch
                      as I become truly invisible

 

 

 

^{————w}(O)rmholes_________________________________|—–

anxiety wormhole: Black Rook / in Rainy Weather
being wormhole: earthed
doing wormhole: rather
ghosts wormhole: Brugges April 2015 – looking lost
giving & life wormhole: my life / of others
identity wormhole: nothing // matters
letting go wormhole: [start where you are III] – delve
realisation wormhole: addicted / compulsive / identity
work wormhole: is that so!